Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I know, I know



Yes. I know. I have been away for like half a year now. Till now, one of the longest break i took from blogging. The thing is I have been really packed to the brim. You can ask Jiayuan and Harlie of how hard it is for them to fix a date to meet to chill and just lepak. Hehehe. The thing is 2007 have been a great year for me. Projects come in like water, and so does the cash. In April and May, I was busy juggling my work at Sentosa, school shows and the Short and Sweet Festival. If you do not know yet, yours truly was nominated as Best New Talent for the festival, AND yours truly performed for the first time in ESPLANADE and ARTS HOUSE. Yes. You hear me right. I performed there.

In June, I worked my butts off covering for one of the full timer who went MIA from Sentosa. Then in July I was busy with workshops in 3 different schools and of course the usual school shows. In August and September I was busy with the Halo3 game launch. Yup. I managed to clinch a lucrative deal for the game launch with Xbox 360.

In October I was busy with school shows. This is the crazy month when all schools try to finish off their budgets with school shows. In November and December, I was busy with rehearsals for a project with Act3International and also TeaterKami. Yes. That pretty much wraps up my 2007.

I am also looking forward to a hectic 2008 as I managed to clinch a lucrative deal with Selena Tan. She is the lawyer turn actress. She acted in Under One Roof as Paul’s wife and she also acted in Dim Sum Dollies. Yup. I will be working with her soon. And I have also manage to clinch another school show programme for the whole eyar of 2008. So altogether, there are about 5 companies which I will be attached to for school shows. And on top of that, I am also looking forward to higher volume of drama workshops. And on top of all these, I also have my Sentosa job to juggle with.

And lastly, I just want to share another good news with all my readers, I am now happily attached to a wonderful, caring and loving BF. I will try and take some time off to introduce my close friends to my BF in person. (of course this might take ages due to clashes of schedules and stuffs… but do be patient, you will get your turn to see him).

And as a closing note: I wanna thank all those who have been giving me great supports through the year 2007. To all my close friends ( with special mention, JY, Harlie, Zamri, Hairul, Ryd), let’s hope 2008 will be another great year for all of us! Cheers!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

SMS exchange between Anthony and Adi



Anthony and Adi met at Raffles City. They had one night stand. But then they kept in touch with one another and remained friends, and of course occasionally they did it. And then after Adi got attached to Amir, aka AMAC, the following sms exchange took place...

Anthony: when you free to meet for fun again?
Adi: Anthony darling...i am so sorry. I won’t be able to do that again cos I am attached liao.
Anthony: Haha...ok...
Adi: So sorry yeah. Keep in touch k.
Anthony: Best wishes to you and your other half. Hope to see you soon.
Adi:Thank you. Sure. We can still meet and hang out.
Anthony: We still very good friend without that thing right. If anytime you need help just call me.
Adi: You too. If you need help, just beep me.
Anthony: I beep you is not asking for help...is asking you out for a movie or coffee. Hee...
Adi: Can also... shouldn’t be a problem.
Anthony: You know why i say no need your help? Cos you cannot help me oso. Hee...
Adi: Why leh?
Anthony: Cos you rejected me just now...hahaha...just kidding...
Adi: Haha...I mean other kind of help, i will try my best to help you loh.
Anthony: Haha... i know. That is why i asking for that too.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Our first outing


this is taken from our very first outing at Cathay!




Wednesday, December 19, 2007

the start of a blossoming love



Taken from friendster (22/11/2007):
AMAC wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out AMAC's profile and send a reply.
A message from AMAC:
hai....

And then Adi replied (22/11/2008):
hello back at ya.... hehe

A message from AMAC (23/11/2007):
haha.....btw u cute...haha...
anywae u str8 or...?

Then Adi replied (23/11/2008):
thnks dude..i swing both ways...bi

A message from AMAC (23/11/2007):
ouh.....
btw...hav u been to pwrhse b4??
cuz u look familliar actuaily....

Then Adi replied(27/11/2008):
nope...nvr been there..am not really a clubber...

A message from AMAC (30/11/2007):
ouh must b wrong person.....soowieee....btw add me...

A message from AMAC (6/12/2007):
btw...senang2 nak mit...........?

The Adi replied (7/12/2008)
Sure. Anything you can just call me at 91******.

Adi and AMAC chatted for a while and then they met on 16/12/2008
They got attached on 17/12/2008.
Then they have established that Adi is Spiderman and AMAC is Jean Grey.

A message from AMAC (19/12/2007):
saaaayaanng! lup u so much!
take care k...
lup u my hero......
-amir
jean grey!
hahah
mmuuuuuaaaackZ!

Then they further established Adi as MAriah Carey and AMAC as RIHANNA.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Memory recalled



Dear reader,
I was just talking to my colleagues about the production houses in Singapore and also how they measured up against our one and only TCS( Television corporation Singapore). And then I brought up the stupid things that has happened to me when I was attached to Suria. And somehow, it reminded me of the following incident, which happened about two years ago:
Me an assassin?


When I was first transferred to Eaglevision Production Unit, like finally, I was assigned to call up all the places where I think I could find workers working in the graveyard shift. It all went smoothly, till I had to call the people from the ICA building. This is how the conversation went…

Shaza: Good Afternoon.

Adi: Good Afternoon. This is Adi calling from Eagle Vision. I am looking for the person in charge of the cleaners. Is there anyone whom I can specifically talk to?

Shaza: What is it regarding about?

Adi: I am planning to shoot your workers who work in the graveyard shift.

Shaza: (5 seconds silent) Sir, which floor are you at?

Adi: Huh? I am at the first floor.

Shaza: Are you at the security checkpoint?

Adi: Uhhh. Nope. I am at Eagle Vision.

Shaza: (panicky) So, you are not at the ICA building?

Adi: No. I am not at the ICA building. Or I would have done the shoot already. (losing my patience of the stupid questions)

Shaza: (silence)

So I hang up the call, thinking that she hang up on me. I called her up again after a minute or so and her colleague called Rin picked up…

Rin: Good Afternoon.

Adi: Yes. This is Adi. I called juz now, but you hang up on me.

Rin: Sir, What is this really about?

Adi: Okie. This is Adi calling from Eaglevision. We are doing this new show called after 12, and I am planning to do a shoot of your cleaners who are working in the graveyard shift.

Rin: Shooting? As in filming?

Adi: Yes.

Rin: (laugh like a mad banshee) (After 2 minutes of laughing) This is Rin. Actually my colleague called me over to answer your call cos she was panic strickened juz now.

Adi: Panic?

Rin: Yes. She heard you said “I am goin to shoot your workers to the grave.” So she thought you are s0ome kind of an assassin from the JI”.

KWANG KWANG KWANG

p.s: If I am really an assassin, why would I do the following things:
a) Say my name
b) call from a registered phone
c) tell her my whereabouts

Double KWANG KWANG KWANG!!!!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

The explanations to the long disappearance



Adi: Good Afternoon.

Alter: This time, I am not going to be the one explaining to the readers on our mysterious absence for three full months. ( continues to mumble some more)

Adi: (clears throat)

Alter: Yes? You need more of those RICOLAS?

Adi: Err... We are already online.

Alter: We are?

Adi: Yes.

Alter: Oh. As I was saying, Adi was supposed to come up with an explaination for our three months absence. I know a lot of readers out there were agitated with the “NO UPDATE” for the past three months. So yes. Would you like to say anything about that?

Adi: Actually I can only attribute all this to busy schedule. It’s like almost everyday, my schedule starts as early as 9am and ends at around 10 plus at night. And by the time I got home, I will be too tired to even think about anything. To complicate things further, there were new crushes, dates and porn addiction.

Alter: Woah! Okay. Let us get to the details of each of them. First, porn addiction, I mean, what was that all about?

Adi: Okay. There is this one night, I chanced upon this site (I shan’t mention which one, for fear that I might get someone else to be addicted to porn). And since that night, I have been addicted to the site. So even if I do have a bit of time to update the blog, I would end up not updating it, and instead I’d be using the time to watch porn. And the fact that I now have wireless connection from the convenience of my own room, which by the way could be locked, definitely do not help. So I kinda have to discipline myself, and try to avoid the internet as much as possible. It is just like back then when I was in JC.

Alter: you have pon naddiction in JC?

Adi: No. But I have addiction to the computers and internet. So like every break time, I will try to get my hands on computers that are not used in the library. Back then I always log on to online games like Magewar, Alien Adoption and Neopets.

Alter: And so back then what did you do?

Adi: Cold turkey loh. Same thing. Try to avoid the internet as much as possible. Log on only when there are assignments to be completed. It is like going through self-rehabilitation. But back then it was easier, cos right after JC, I was enlisted for NS. And you can’t find internet connections in the camp, can you?

Alter: Right. But I am sure the readers will be asking why there are some entries which were backdated up to a point that it seems like the blog have been updated quite regularly.

Adi: (smiles) This is the thing. I dod update my blog, but on pieces of paper, when I am bored at work that is. There is no wireless connection on the island itself, plus you can’t expect to find a laptop in a kampong. So I end up scribbling bits and pieces on papers hoping that one day, I would be able to type all the entries into the blog. And I hadn’t had the opportunity to do it till today. Or rather, when I do have the opportunity back then, I would squander it on either porn or some crazy dates and dinners.

Alter: Yes. Talking about dates, tell us more.

Adi: (laughs) It is not so much of dates. Only about three of them so far.

Alter: I thought there were more than that?

Adi: I wouldn’t consider those as dates… you know the type where you had dinner and then some naughty deeds, a.k.a one night stands. I don’t keep in contacts with those people. Even when they do message me, I would tend to ignore them.

AlteR: But why?

Adi: Let’s just say they don’t really give satisfaction. I mean cute faces are one thing but if your strokes don’t synchronise with my likings, then I think it is rather pointless, if you know what I mean. (smiles)

Ater: You are rather smiley today. Any reason why?

Adi: Aiyah. Nothing lah. I will tell when the time comes. Anyway, can you don’t deviate; we are on the subject of dating.

Alter: Oh yes. Three dates. But I thought you already talked about those dates.

Adi: Oh yes. I did. Then what are we supposed to talk about today?

Alter: Let me double check the script. ( flip through script) On yes. You are supposed to talk about the outcome of that call back you had in malay.

Adi: Aiyah. I didn’t get it. It was quite lucrative cos one of my friend got it. And he is now somewhere in some resort in Malaysia doing the shoots. Bleah! Anyway, I think there are blessings behind every rejections, cos up my way is another offer. But I will not talk about it till everything is finalised.

Alter: I see. Does it have anything to do with a one year contract?

Adi: (laughs) I promise I will talk about it straight after everything is finalised okay?

Alter: And how is the experience of being a freelance drama workshop conductor been for you?

Adi: I still have a lot to learn. But so far so good. And the pay is not too bad either. Only the waiting is a bummer. And the kids are really cute!

Alter: So what do you really work as now?

Adi: Actually I have no idea. But I told most people that I am a freelance performer. The workshop thing is just some sidelines I do to gain experience in teaching. You know, for the just in case scenario. Like maybe I need to do a career switch or something.

Alter: Alright. That about sums it all for this time round.

Adi: So that is it?

AlteR: Yup. This is Alter signing off.

Adi: Ciaoz!



Tuesday, November 06, 2007

An SMS exchange with The BASTARD, yet AGAIN



A little bit of a background; On 28th November, The BASTARD just didn’t show up for work. When asked of his location at that point of time, he just replied “Mahad is there what! He can do the show. Your truly was steaming mad at that point of time and so he messaged the bastard...

Adi: FYI, i have rehearsals today. I have no time to cover anyone who is irresponsible

6 days later...

Bastard: Mahad, I never had a chance to say this to you personally. I’m sorry about what happened that time. I was too occupied with my project in school till everything slipped off my mind. I’m sorry to make you miss your rehearsal and have you come back for work.

Friday, August 31, 2007

The thing with Oush



He saw me on Friendster. He took the initiative to ask for my number online. I gave him my number. We chatted on phone, SMS-ed each other. We then dated from June till August. Now it is all just a distant memory with numerous pictures to remind us that we were once dating and ONI dating.



























Thursday, August 23, 2007

22.8.2007



I lost a friend today. This friend of mine… She is special. I love her to bits. She teaches me the real meaning of optimism. When I look at her, I secretly admire her talents and her zest. At the age of 37, she has the energy that could put an 18 yr old to shame. Despite her shortcoming in terms of health, never once do I see her in pain.

She is always all smile, and she has never been stingy in sharing it with all of us over in Sentosa. When I first saw her, what draws my attention was her scar near her throat. So the following conversation was struck:

Adi: Dok, Why does she have that scar near her throat ah?

Firdaus: I think she told me last time she used to dive a lot. So she has difficulty breathing after that.

Adi: Okay. So she dives so many times and she now evolved and grew gills?

Firdaus: o_0

And so 5 minutes later, Zamri then went over to Clarify with her…

Zamri: Why do you have a scar near your throat?

Monica: Cos I had difficulty breathing about six months ago, so I had to undergo an operation where the doctor had to cut a hole here to insert tube to help me breathe.

The rest: Oooohhh…

Her jokes have always made us laugh. Her antics are uniquely hers… it is definite that no one will be able to replace her.

When I receive the news about her sudden departure, I was too shocked to even cry… Probably cos I was in the middle of a class. I didn’t even cry when I saw her the last time. Even when she is no longer breathing on the bed, I still feel life in her. I still see the last traces of sunshine. She looks so peaceful.

IT happened so fast, so sudden. Life is just so fragile. It was just last week that we performed together. She was still all smiley, even though exhausted from all the medical tests she had to go through. Never once had she complained of pain.

Monica Wee has left us to be in the arms of those who love her more, a place of solace and eternal bliss. May she rest in peace. Ameen.



p.s: her pink panther joke still makes me cry. Just like the way this song has always made me cry… Till now.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

SMS exchange with Shahrizan



Shahrizan: Hi Shahrizan here
Adi: Adi here. Hehe... u have any pic?
Shahrizan: Yup. Exchange?

Adi and Shahrizan mms each other their pictures.

Sharizan: You look cute.
Adi: Thanks. I am flattered.
Shahrizan: Flattered takpe as long as not flattened. Yelah, i’m not blessed with good looks so i like to look at nice looking people. Kalau org tu baik lag ii suka tengok. Hehe.
Adi: I’m not good looking lah.
Shahrizan: If you think you aren’t, at least i think you are photogenic... Hehe... dari me satu ape pun tak der! Only can talk a lot.
Adi: How tall are you?
Sharizan: From my childish face, i’m short. 1.65m. Really fat. U?
Adi: ME too. I am fat.


And so 3 days later they arranged to meet. They had fun talking over dinner and laughing and eat dinner and laughing again. And then suddenly the following exchanges of sms ensued...

Sharizan: Honestly after u met me, do u have any sexual tots of me? U can tell me cuz i dun mind.
Adi: Nope. Y?
Sharizan: Just askin. Like sumtyms after u met sumone, u kinda wank thinking of him... Did u do tht?
Adi: Never. Unless if we had sex on the first meeting.
Sharizan: I didn’t also cuz sumtyms i did when i met some pple. Mayb bcoz our conversation is more fren-based i guess.
Adi: Maybe. Not sure. Why? U interested in me is it?
Sharizan: Quite. Have you ever had the tot of doing it with me?
Adi: Never leh.
Sharizan: Will u like it if u get to screw me?
Adi: well. If you allow it, i dun mind i guess
Sharizan: You would do it real hard rite?
Adi: Yes. I m usually a rough fucker.
Sharizan: You would screw me like i’m ur slut issit?
Adi: If that pleases you
Sharizan: How many rounds will u take me?
Adi: Not sure. I take quite long to cum.
Sharizan: But you’ll fuck me real hard like a slut rite?

Then Adi just dozes off cos sex chat on sms is sooooo boooooring. He prefers to do it physically.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

SMS exchange between Ridwan and Adi


A little bit of background information, Ridwan was someone whom i met over friendster. He messaged me on friendster and then we met once at Starbucks; just chat and laughed and chat some more and then we went home. From the chat, i got to know that he is an alumni from NYP drama club (of which i have forgotten the name). The second time we met was during the NYP annual free performance, which is of course by invite only, and he apparently invited me (i guess it is his way of making the date sort of less official...cos i told him i m not ready to date anyone yet). So the list of SMS exchanges took place after that annual performance was over, and yours truly was on the bed about to turn in for that night...

RID: Everyone thought you were my BF.
Adi: Really? What did they say? Did they say anything about how i look?
RID: Don’t be self conscious la. They didn’t say anything. They just asked if we were together.
Adi: Then wat u said? IS it because some of the girls are interested in me?
RID: Eeee. Perasan jubo.
Adi: So, you’re sayin that i am not ciute enough to be a bf to you?
RID: Ok la. Cute. Yummy.
Adi: Haha...
RID: And i forgot to tell you that you’re hot
Adi: Which part of me is hot to u?
RID: Hhhmmm....i just like the whole look lah
Adi: Really? I don’t think i look hot leh
RID: Well looks is just looks. But it takes more than that to impress me la
Adi: So you’re sayin that you like me?
RID: Well. Yes. I kinda like you
Adi: :)
RID: Hugs to you dude. I am missing you already.

But of course nothing more happened. We just remained friends.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Another SMS exchange between the BASTARD and ADI



Bastard: Dear Mahadi, Firstly I would like to apologise about last night about the air con controller. It is my fault to hide the air con controller and not allow others to change the temperature. I shall not hide it neither shall i even touch it to change the temperature what so ever with it. I'm sorry. I was selfish. Hope you can accept my apology even when i know i shd call you or meet you up but am sure you would not want to either way cause you are angry at me. Am sincerely sorry. Secondly, thank you for the ticket even when i kniow you are not happy and wished that your pass is not exchanged for a ticket that links to me. P.s: if you are still angry at me and can't accept my apology, then its okie. We can talk things out that is if you are willing to.

Adi: Dear *insert name here*, Apology accepted. Dun need to thnk me for the tix. Anyone who is NOT obnoxiously selfish would have done what i did: 2 allow my pass to be exchanged 4 the tix 4 sumone else's relatives.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

An Interview about the so-called trilogy



Adi: (laughs) A trilogy?

Alter: Yes. I would like to assume so, cos the first one titled Reflection at 2am (Part One), you ended the entry with a “to be continued”. So I supposed there is a continuation to it. Furthermore, there are only three such entries that was written in such a manner.

Adi: what kind?

Alter: Well, you have bits and pieces of conversation and excerpts from different people and sources and you pieced them up perfectly to come out with a point.

Adi: Huh? What point?

AlteR: Like the first part, you were driving at the turbulence and the difficulty you are going through in different relationships. Then in the second part, you nailed right through that the difficulty accelerates when you actually got into the guy-to-guy relationship. Then in the third part, you re-evaluate the whole thought process and discovered that both gay and straight relationship in the same. The thing that you find difficult to handle is trust. There are times that you trust someone so much, that you are taken advantage of, and that there are times even you find it hard to convince someone to have faith and trust in you.

Adi: Woah! Is that just deep or just deep?

Alter: Sorry?

Adi: No. I mean, when I first wrote it, I didn’t really have any concept to it. It’s just that after I wrote that first entry, Reflection at 2 a.m, I just thought I enjoyed writing about those kind of reflections. And trust me, at that point of time, I really did a lot of reflections about my life. Cos it was required of me to do so for the play I did, entitled 4 seconds, directed by Christina Sergeant. However, at that point of time, I was had a lot of trouble putting all those thoughts into words that this laptop of mine can understand and transmute it to the internet and thus landing it into this blog. And that is why the second part only comes one month after the first part.

Alter: On the bright side, Lord of the Rings took one whole eyar before they come qith the sequel, and Terminator 3 only comes like a decade after Terminator 2.

Adi: Thank you. I feel better about the delay now. Anyway, it was only in June that I managed to finish up the third instalment to trilogy. I started writing it somewhere in May, but somehow I just didn’t mange to find an ending to it. It was only recently that I managed to find an ending to it, and then publish it up online by the 26th.

Alter: So to all of you who have missed The Trilogy, do check them out on the following links:

Reflections at 2am (Part 1)

Bitchy isn't it someone? (Part 2)

Trust (Final Part)

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Trust (Final Part)



H: So what kind of guys do you usually go for in a relationship?

Adi: I don’t know. To me as long as can click I just go for it.

Cut to:

Adi: I don’t go for looks in a relationship.

F: Really?

Adi: Yes and if my other halves happen to look good, it is purely coincidental. Cos I don’t go for looks.

Cut to:

N: so why do you like me?

Adi: Cos I feel really comfortable with you. Your childishness and sense of humour… it puts me to comfort.

Cut to:

Adi: That is when I realised that it is not really love that I felt for her.

R: And then you ended it?

Cut to:

R: A lot of people warned me about getting into a relationship with you.

Adi: People like?

R: Fadhil and Audrey.

Adi: What did they say?

R: That you are a commitment phobe

Cut to:

C.P: This freedom-holic and commit-ophobic. (Quoted from Lullaby)

Cut to:

Adi: but if I am a commitment phobe, I wouldn’t even take up the presidency.

R: I think they meant it in a relationship wise

Adi: And they based this on?

R: Your relationship with Natasha.

Adi: But that is not fair. Cos they don’t know what I have been through with Aisyah and Nurul.

Cut to:

N: I don’t like the name Aisyah. It sounds so like wanita terakhir, when in actually fact, they are like the devil in disguise.

Cut to:

Adi: she taught me a lot of things when it comes to a relationship. Honesty and she is like the only girl I know who acts like a man, in a way that she don’ expect to be pampered, and she likes a person to treat her with respect, rather than a girl. What I meant by this is that like for example if she carries bags, she don’t want me to carry it for her. She will carry any bags that she can carry and if she needs help, she will ask me to help. She doesn’t like me to like see her as the weaker sex, like most girls who expects to be pampered and like be treated like a lady. I find these girls so ironic, cos they want equal rights and at the same time, they expect to be treated like a LADY. I felt that if you want EQUAL RIGHTS, then you should expect to be treated like HUMANS rather than a LADY!

Cut to:

Adi: You know when I first started out on a relationship with a guy, I always have this conception that it is going to be so much easier than having a relationship with a girl, cos first of all, I don’t think a guy will like “merajuk” and expect you to comfort them whenever they get angry. I thought only girls will be clingy and have issues of being insecured. And instead of me being the one who always be on the giving side, I thought when I get into a relationship with a guy, I am the one who gets pampered and showered with love. I was so WRONG. In fact, being in a relationship with a guy is far worse than being in a relationship with a girl. Do you know how insecured my first X-BF was, and he was more clingy than a girl, and when he throws tantrum, he is worse than any of my X-GF. Like oh my god!!

F: Welcome to my world.

Cut to:

R: There is no difference being in a relationship with a guy or a girl. Both sides need love and warmth and care. Both sides crave for all that. Doesn’t mean you get into a relationship with a guy, you give him lesser love than your x-GF.

Cut to:

R: In the relationship, I felt like I was the only one wearing the pants.

Cut to:

Adi: Have I told you how many times he cried in the middle of the road whenever we quarrelled? Sial lah! Like girl sia!

Cut to:
Adi: He always threatened to kill himself one lah.

A: But Adi, what if this time he really does it?

Adi: Trust me. He is worse than a girl. He doesn’t even have the dick to end his pathetic life.

Cut to:

Z: Actually I wanted to tell you this. We tried to call Kalvin to come down to surprise you on your birthday. But he refused to come.

Adi: It’s okay. It wasn’t a big deal anyway.

Cut to:

Adi: You know the person whom I love so much, when I lost my phone, he didn’t even try to comfort me. No hugs, no nothing. No words of comfort. All he could say was “have you reported it?” He didn’t even offer to help or anything.

Z: Yeah. Last Haz jugak yang tolong.

Cut to:

Z: Are you sure he is the one?

Adi: Yeah.

Z: But why?

Adi: what do you mean why?

Z: Is he rich? He’s got to be rich rite, that’s why you go with him.

Adi: No. He works full time at TCC and he still lives with his parents. And trust me; he is getting lesser than I do.

Z: The why are you going out with him?

Adi: Why?

Z: Precisely why?? I thought he is going to be cute. ? I am so disappointed.

Adi: Oh come on. I don’t go for looks and wealth. Looks can change anytime. And wealth, I am already well-to-do, thank you.

Cut to:

Bukan harta jadi ukuran, (Wealth is not a measurement)
Bukan rupa jadi sempadan (Look is not a barrier)
Kerna budi bahasa (Cos of mannerism)
Kerna tutur dan cara (Cos of good nurtured ness)
Membuatku tergoda (took my heart away)

(Taken from Amelina’s song)

Cut to;

A: The gay world is a bitchy world. Everyone bitches behind each other’s back. It’s very hard for to be able to trust anyone.

Adi: Doesn’t that apply anywhere now?

Cut to:

Excerpts from Desperate Housewives:

Trust is a fragile thing
Once leaned, there is prize ultimately uncovered
Once lost, can never be found
But in the end, you’ll only trust yourself,
Cos that’s the only way you’ll never get hurt.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

An sms exchange between Annuar aka Jerry Nanaki and Adi



Annuar: Hello. Jerry Nanaki here.

Adi: OH hello. Adi here. Ni dah mandi ker belum?

Annuar: 20 this year...belum...hehe

Adi: Aiyo. Patut ah busuk sampai kat sini boleh bau.

Annuar: Nak tlg mandikan ker? Hahaha

Adi: So are you single or what? What is your real name?

Annuar: Baru nak Tanya. Saya Annuar, masih bujang tulen

Adi: So what is ur plan today?

Annuar: Today pick me up? Hehehe

Adi: I m not kempt today.

Annuar: Nak kena neat and groom ke to meet me?

Adi: What are you doing right now?

Annuar: Me working...pick me ok?

Adi: Where?

Annuar: Just kidding...no forcing...

Adi: Okay. Juz text me ur working place k.

And so Adi met Annuar that night. Quite cute, but rather too passive. What a bummer.



Note: Q said he looked selenger... Kwang kwang kwang


Monday, June 18, 2007

An SMS exchange between WAN KG and Adi



WAN KG:Tengah buat ape tu?

Adi: OTW alek.

WAN KG: Hehe. Me later have place. My mum n dad nak keluar

Adi: Really? So you wanna invite me over?

WAN KG: Keep you update later.

Adi: Okay. Should i go and get the protection and lube?

WAN KG:Don't need. I have them.

Monday, June 04, 2007

An SMS exchange between a Bastard and Adi



Bastard: Having such a terrible birthday this year... Sigh...

Adi: Why? I tot a lot of pple want to celebrate with u mah... With all those parties
and so many pple wanting 2 wish u a happy birthday, i'm sure u muz nw feel dat u r center of attraction, no?

Bastard: No. It all did not happened...i don't want to be center of attaction la. But i really admit it this year's birthday is the suckiest in my life sigh. I'm crying in the toilet now... sigh...

Adi: Huh? I really dun get it. U told me dat u always celebrate it urself every year. WAt maeks it worse this year?

Bastard: Cause its 18! Sigh...

Adi: And? WAt happened 2 the chalet plans? I'm sure they can't cancel it at the alst min

Bastard: I don't know...Sigh

Adi: Awww. Don't worry. I am sure all you MANY other halves would celebrate it with you!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Bitchy isn’t it someone?



Adi: If you think Singapore is small, the GAY WORLD is smaller. Everyone knows Each other. Just say a name and you can hear a click of the tongue and a sleuth of things will spray out like the geyser, like a forest fire being ignited by a firefly. Maybe that is a little extreme, but if you have experienced it, nothing can be larger than life for gays.

Cut to:

Ad: Adi. I think I want to go straight.
Adi: Really?
Ad: Yes. I am so sick of the gay world. Everyone is so fake. And everyone backstabs each other.

Cut to:

An: You know Adam?

Cut to:

D: Adam from Yew Tee?

Cut to:

H: Who doesn’t know Adam?

Cut to:

R: I don’t like him.

Cut to:

Adi: Why?

Cut to:

An: He is a good actor. No one can act as well as him.
Adi: Tell me something I don’t know. I have known him for 7 years.

Cut to:

D: Yeah. I met him in December last year.
Adi: Really?
D: Yeah. He has moved into his new house with his boyfriend.
Adi: He has a house. That’s cool. But he hasn’t yet reach 35 what. Mana boleh beli rumah?

Cut to:

H: Yeah. I heard a lot about him.
Adi: I didn’t know he is that well-known.

Cut to:

R: It’s not that I don’t trust you. But he seems so determined. I am just scared one day you will fall for him?
Adi: I already fallen for you, I don’t think I would fall for him. I want to fall for him, I would have done that years before I even know you. Cos he has been asking for years now, but I just keep on rejecting him.
R: I am not talking about you. I trust you will not fall for him. But he seems so determined. What if one day he puts a spell on you?
Adi: You actually believe in that?

Cut to:

An: Do you think I look like him?
Adi: Yeah. Up to the way you speak.
An: Yeah. He keeps trying to imitate me.

Cut to:

Ad: I don’t know why people like to follow my style?
Adi: Siapa sak?
Ad: All those kewats ah.
Adi: How they follow your style?
Ad: My style of clothings, the way I speak… Almost everything. That is why I think I want to quit the gay circle.

Cut to:

An: He is always trying to like challenge me. Like the way I look and speak. He always ask around other people to see who is better; him or me.
Adi: I don’t know. I find that he is starting to look ridiculous. He is too skinny now, and what’s up with the braces?

Cut to:

Adi: I saw his collections of watches in his rooms. All branded. I think he purposely did that to show me how well he’s doing, even without me.
Z: You went to his room?
Adi: Yes.
Z: That is all I need to know.
Cut to:

Ad: We have known each other for 5 years. But we never did anything with one another.
Adi: Cos we are just friends. And I treasure our friendship.
Ad: How come you are sitting there. Come and sit with me on my bed.
Adi: My jeans are dirty ah.
Ad: I don’t mind. It’s like you just know me yesterday.
Adi: Make sure we don’t do anything stupid. I know how it feels to have your other half sleeping around with other people.
Ad: I know my line. I am attached. I won’t do anything foolish.

Cut to:

An: He asked me to get attached with him before. Lucky I didn’t say yes.
Adi: Really? Hmm… He asked me too. And he is apparently very persistent.
An: What you mean he is persistent?
Adi: For 6 years, he would usually ask me out to breakfast with him every year, and every year he pops the question. And every year I reject him, he will withdraw himself and somehow re-appear the next year to ask me the same thing.

Cut to:

H: I think I am falling for you.
Adi: Not again.
H: Why?
Adi: Cos everytime I did a drama production, someone will fall for me.
H: Who?
Adi: when I was with this TeaterVariasi, there is this girl called Jannah who said she loves me. Then when I was in PSF, my X said he fell for me. And now in Wayang Warehouse, you are falling for me.

Cut to:

An: Hilmi got said he fell in love at first sight to me before.
Adi: Really?
An: I think he is the type who always fall for people at first sight ah.

Cut to:

D: Hilmi is always very confused. Can never make up his mind.

Cut to:

H: Daen is also performing?
Adi: Yeah. He said he knows you. So I assumed you know him too.
H: Of course he knows me. And I know him too. It is just that we have not met each other for some times cos I think he is afraid to see me.
Adi: Afraid to see you? Why?
H: (looks at his friends and rolls eyes)
Adi: Siapa yang hutang siapa ni?
H’s friend: He owes Hilmi big time.
Adi: Serious?

Cut to:

An: Zaid falls for people easily. He falls in love with anyone.
Adi: I didn’t know he is like that. All I know is that he confessed to me his love in 2005, and I told him no cos I was already attached at that point of time.

Cut to:

Ad: Zaid told me that you were crazy for him. And he borrowed money from me to buy you ferrero chocolates for valentine.
Adi: Valentine? I was with Rahman on Valentine. And I don’t receive any gifts from Zaid before.
Ad: I don’t know. And he borrowed the money from me to also rebond his hair cos he wants to looks his best for you.
Adi: What?

Cut to:

R: Have you told Zaid that you are attached?
Adi: No. Cos he will tell it to Adam. And Adam will start to ask me lots of questions.
R: But if you don’t tell him, he will keep making advances on you.
Adi: Why are you so insecured?

Cut to:

An: You know Raihan?
Adi: Nope.
An: Raihan is also a dancer like Daen. Anyway, Daen is a flirt. He says “I love you” to almost everyone.
Adi: I could see that.

Cut to:

H: Annuar? You know him?
Adi: No I just met him.
H: He used to be in our circle till..
H’s friend: Dah jangan cocok. Kau ader mata pandang, ader telinga dengar. Then you judge for yourself.
Cut to:

An: I used to have this circle of PLU friends ah. Then I discovered that they tried top backstab me. Cos I think they jealous of what I have.
Adi: Then you broke off with them?
An: There is this one time we went to club together, then I flirt with this ang moh ah. Then the ang moh asked me to his hotel. Then when this group of PLUs found out, they get more jealous of me.
Adi: I don’t get it. Why is it, especially among the malay PLUs ah, it is like a big thing to be attached to an ang moh. What is so good about them?

Cut to:

E: Adi. They have big dicks!
Adi: I am a top, so big dicks or small dicks don’t matter to me.

Cut to:

Adi: So are you still gay?
Ad: Cos I have embraced who I am.
Adi: But I thought you wanted to quit the gay circle?

Cut to:

Q: Don’t you want to settle down and get married?
Adi: I do, but I haven’t found someone who can make me settle down YET.

p.s: I do want to settle down. So if you are FEMALE and SINGLE do drop me a holler on the tag board.

p.s: I have not been updating for so long cos I am tied down to work. I will try my bestest to update.

p.s: To MR ANONYMOUS, don’t worry, I will dedicate an entry for you… DEFINITELY!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Days of Reservist Training



Well, it’s that time of the year again. It has been three years running now. But it still feels the same nonetheless. But wait, there are some differences actually. Let me just do a little recap of the difference experience in the three years I have been through reservist:

First Year
This is the year that me and Rahman got into a relationship. In fact, when I was called up for reservist that year, it was May. We were into the second month of our relationship. So as you can picture, everything is still oh-so-rosy. I was very anxious about IPPT, cos ever since I was attached to him and ever since I was in poly, I had gained a lot of weight and have not been exercising regularly. I remember praying to god, hoping that he will miraculously increase my strength, speed and whatever it takes to AT LEAST pass the IPPT (even if it means I have to trade for a shorter dick and the end of the day, I would!) Yes! I was that desperate. Just the thought of having to come back for RT is terrifying enough! On top of the anxiety of having to go through IPPT, I remember feeling horrendous cos I was down with lovesickness. I kept thinking about Rahman when I was in camp. I remembered missing him so much! And when he said he had a cramp on the first day, I almost cried cos I felt so helpless not being able to be by his side and comfort him.

At the end of the first day, I remember smiling ear to ear, cos I not only did I manage to pass my IPPT, I passed it with incentives. It’s like graduating with honours kinda concept. So on top of just getting a cert which certifies (hur hur… a cert that certifies) that I passed my IPPT, I also get a hundred dollar cash reward! Woo-hoo!

I also remember that I bought Rahman a rose on the second day and I spent the night at his house. His grandmother was away. So he took the pleasure to cook for me and we slept together. ( at that point of time still no sex yet… cos we thought we didn’t need it at that point of time to spice up our relationship.)

Second Year

This is the year that I broke with Rahman. I remember feeling like shit for the first half of the year. And in case you still didn’t know, I am the type who will stuff myself up when I am depressed. Yes. Some people turned anorexic when they are depress, but I turn out to be the opposite, I eat, A LOT, when I am depressed. So when I had to serve reservist duty, I remember that I was “gemuk macam babi”. I even had the picture to prove it.




This was taken when I was in the production with Wayang Warehouse, which happened in the same month. Here is another picture of me taken also in the same month I was going through my reservist training in 2006.


This is sooo ironic- me beside the man of steel!

Anyway, back to the reservist story, I remember feeling more confident than the previous year of passing my IPPT. Although I was gemuk- macam- babi at that point of time (75 kg to be exact), I remember going to the gym to exercise regularly.

At the end of the first day, I remember feeling upset despite passing my IPPT with a silver. I was disappointed. Sole reason- I was deprived of $200. Yes. I could have gotten a gold if only I ran faster. My 2.4km run was 15 seconds later of that the time required to attain a gold award in IPPT. But I also remember trying to psycho myself to look on the bright side. I mean after all the shitty experience of a crashed laptop, shattered screen, break-up and the i-almost-fail-my-final-year-in-poly experience; an extra $200 is definitely a nice consolation and refreshing turn of fate!

At the end of the second day, I was like happy that I got through the training unscathed.

Third Year

I remember that upon receiving my reservist appointment for this year, I was jumping joyously. Cos I know this means another $200 extra in the bank. Unlike other eyars, there was no hiccups this year, i.e. no incidences of me forgetting to bring helmet or putting my bag in the wrong locker room like previous years. What made me jump higher for joy was that the IPPT standard has been revamped to favour those who are 25years old and above. I was quite sure that I could attain gold, but again I was disappointed. This time around I was 5 seconds late of the time needed to attain a gold award. Nah bei!

I also remember longing to go back to work in Sentosa. I remember missing my beloved colleagues.

On the second day, I was just happy to get home and relax.


After three years of reservist duty I am now looking forward to the next one, and I will make sure I will work my butt to attain the gold award this time around!

p.s: I don’t know if it is the reservist trainings or just me, I just hate this entry cos I felt the writing style sucks big time! Bleah!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Reflection at 2 am. (part 1)



It’s 2 am. And I still can’t sleep. A lot has been going through my mind. A conversation I had with someone I thought I knew perfectly well. I was wrong. Nonetheless, the conversation started me thinking.

And so have my involvement with this play called 4 seconds. It’s about how someone can squandered all the chances of saying what really mattered to him, but all was not wasted cos in the end, he managed to say what he wanted to say in his last 4 seconds.

All these have led me to wonder: Have I been making full use of my life? Or am I squandering it away only to realise it at the last few seconds of my life?

I don’t know why, but somehow, my emotions are slowly running wild at the moment. Emotional surge that usually leaves me drenched in perspiration during those sleepless nights, and totally drained in the morning.

There are so many things to say, but I just can’t put my thought and feelings together, consolidated. To make sense of the madness. Of the struggle I am having inside me.

Cut to:

Adi: Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I feel fat. I feel ugly. My skin is riddled with blemishes. And the scars. And the beard that doesn’t seem to stop growing. The unwanted hair all over my face. My hair is ugly. It is curly. Why can’t I have straight long manageable hair. I am having too much white hair. Dyeing them makes my hair thin and lifeless. I am losing hair. I am balding by the day. I am 25, but I look 30.

Cut to:

E: Adi. You know ah… whenever I look at you; I always look at your arms. Do you work out?

Adi: No I don’t.

E: Don’t bedek ah. Then what, the arms just miraculously become muscular ah?

Adi: I am not muscular. I am fat!

E: don’t be ridiculous lah Adi. You’re not fat. If you’re fat, what will that make me? Obese?

Adi: I am fat! Look at these excess layers here!

E: You’re not okay. I find you quite hunky.

Adi: You know? My friends. They always said that they are approached by strangers in the train.

E: Gay friends?

Adi: Yes.

E: That is why?

Adi: What you mean?

E: Gays always tell lie. They will say so and so approached them to like make you feel like shit.

Adi: What?

E: Yes. They always do that. Trust me Adi. They will always say out random names of random guys approached them. But in true facts, it is what they wished for. No one approached them. They tell the stories to boost their own egos. To point out the fact that people find them good-looking even though they look like shit.

Cut to:

Adi: For you, even if you can’t act, you still have the looks. What do I have? Just tonnes of fat!!!

Q: You’re not fat!

Adi: And by the way, if you cannot act also, you still can dance. I can’t even dance to save my life! Not to mention the fact that I am tone deaf! So what does that make me? An actor who is not versatile enough. Can’t dance, can’t sing and above all, can’t act!

Cut to:

L: Have you been in any acting classes?

Adi: No.

L: The reason I asked is because I think you’re still too green.

Cut to:

Adi: Fuck! If every director is going to tell me that I am green, how the fuck am I going to even get any acting experience?

Cut to:
S: Why not start by doing backstage work and gain some experience from there?

Adi: Cos I was thinking of only using this one year break to see how far I can take it in the acting arena. After this, I am probably going to go back studying in NUS or NTU.

Cut to:

Adi: Fuck. Got rejected!

Cut to:

Mak: Tak per. Cuba lagi tahun depan

Cut to:

Adi: Jiayuan ah. I tried again this year. Now April leh. Still no news. Last year, I got rejection letter. This year, not even a rejection letter sia!

J: Maybe you should try to apply under the matured category.

Adi: Cannot. Must have 4 years of working experience.

J: How long have you been with Sentosa?

Adi: Just one year.

Cut to:

Adi: Sentosa is like the only company that have enough faith to hire me in their talent department. And if I were to ever make it big in the industry, I would thank Sentosa first. And I promise not to take my work with Sentosa for granted!

Cut to:

H: Are you still working at Video Ezy?

Adi: No. I quit last month. February.

Cut to:

Adi: I stayed on with Video Ezy cos at that time, things with Sentosa is not very stable mah. Then when I got transferred to Siglap, it was the first time I felt really close to my colleagues. It is like I have an extended family in Siglap. And I thought it was cool. Cos I got an extended family in Sentosa. Now I have another one in Siglap. But when most of them left Video Ezy, I no longer see the point of staying.

Cut to:

Mak: Orang berhenti kerja, kau pun berhenti. Nanti kalau tak cukup duit macam maner?

Adi: Cukuplah. Insya’allah rezeki kita dalam bidang mengajar drama dan acting ni akan bertambah.

Cut to:

Adi: I am worried ah. Cos usually I don’t get my schedule till like late month. And I am not sure if I can now swing around to do outside project.

F: Don’t worry lah. This thing can be worked around. Even Regina is encouraging us to be involved outside productions. Cos that is one of the only ways we can grow.

Cut to:

F: I always feels so small Mahat.

Adi: No lah. You shouldn’t feel that way. In fact, I have always looked up to you. You know as a performer, you would dream of performing somewhere grand, like the NUS Arts centre. And you have been there. I have yet to reach that standard. And that is why I will always look up to you. Cos I feel that you are so much talented that I am. And in terms of growth, I think you have grown a lot, physically and mentally too. Do you don’t need to feel small about yourself.

Cut to:

C: When acting, you shouldn’t’ do it from here (points to the head), you should do it from here (points to the heart).

Cut to:

D: I think you have heart murmur?

Adi: How can that be possible? Heart murmur means you have a hole in your heart right?

D: Not necessarily. It could be that the valve in your heart just didn’t’ close properly, and that can lead to heart infection.

Adi: but how can I have heart murmur? I mean if I have one, wouldn’t I have been exempted from National Service?

D: What is you pess status?

Adi: B
D: I think they must have missed it out during the check-ups.

Adi: but I can run and do my IPPT as per normal, which I don’t think anyone with a heart murmur can do without collapsing into fits or pain.

Cut to:

R: Ouch! My heart. It hurts bei.

Adi: Bei. Breathe. Just breathe k. Bei. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say what I said just now.

Cut to:

N: You always say things without thinking? Have you ever thought how I feel?

Adi: How about me? Have you ever asked how stupid I felt for dumping my place in Ngee Ann, Mass Communication, just to be in JC, so that I can be with you?

Cut to:

Adi: nah. I never regret my decision to stay in JC for two years and then join Ngee Ann Poly for mass comm after that, even though I could have just joined mass comm back then. I believe there is always something to be learnt at every stage. So I don’t think my 2 years in JC was wasted lah. Look at it this way, if I were to join NP back then, I wouldn’t have met you guys right?

Cut to:

A: Yeah. And you wouldn’t have met him. And maybe you would have said yes to me instead.

Adi: (smiles)

A: but on another thought, you might just say yes to another girl. I don’t know. Why is it so difficult to say yes to me and not him?

Cut to:

Al: You used to be straight. So how did you become bi?

Adi: I don’t know. I thought I’d just give it a shot. But there is something about him. I just realised that I only said yes, after he sang that damn song to me. Before that, I have rejected him a couple of times…

Cut to:
R: There is someone in the club that I like.

Adi: Who?

R: Make a guess.

Adi: (mentions all the girls’ names)

R: It’s a guy.

Adi: Huh?

R: Okay. I am falling for a guy in the club.

Adi: (silence)

R: Are you there?

Adi: yes. But who?

R: You have to guess.

Adi: Sarah?

R: He is cute. But no.

Adi: Shaiful?

R: No.

Adi: Sam?

R: Nooo.

Adi: is the person in year 1 or 2 or 3?

R: Hmm...not in year 1.

Adi: Fadhil?

R: No. he is like my sister. No.

Adi: but those are all the guys we have.

R: You forgot to mention one person.

Adi: Really meh? I don’t think so. I am the president. So how can I not know who are the members of PSF right?

R: Try saying out the names again. You will see that you miss out someone.

Adi: Sarah, Sam, Shaiful.

R: You see. You forget one person.

Adi: Who?

R: keep guessing.

Adi: I already guessed all the names.

R: You still missed out one person

Adi: no I did not.

R: Okay. How do I do this? You know in Hide It, you have this one line you said to John.

Adi: Uh-huh. Which one?

R: The one “John, I love you.”

Adi: yeah?

R: Yes. Now change that name John to your name.

Adi: So instead you will have John saying “Andrew I love you”?

R: No. not your character’s name. your own name.

Adi: Adi?

R: Yes. Say the whole line.

Adi: “Adi, I love you”?

R: Yes.

Adi: Huh? I don’t get it?

R: Sigh. Aiyoh. Do I have to be so straightforward? Adi, I love you.

Adi: what?

Cut to:

R: You should try to listen, and not just hear. You know the difference?

Adi: (nods, still tearing)

R: The problem with you is that you thought you’re listening when you’re not.
Cut to:

Adi: I don’t understand.

Ai: I don’t expect you to. You have never tried to anyway. I don’t think it would make much difference now.

Adi: so you are going to throw away two years of what we have, just like that?

Ai: I don’t think we have anything. The last two years, I felt like it was built on lies.

Adi: That was just one lie.

Ai: that is the only lie that I found out. How would I know that there isn’t any other lies?

Adi: I never tell you any other lies!

Ai: like I say how would I know?

Adi: Have I ever cheated on you?

Ai: Adi. You’re not listening. I said “how would I know, right?”

Adi: Why are you calling me Adi?

Ai: Cos that is your name?

Adi: but you never called me Adi for the longest time.

Ai: Time has changed. (throws hand phone to Adi). This has changed everything.

Cut to:

A: What happened to the Adi I once know? Who has his own set of principles and who were once so firm with his own school of thoughts?
Adi: He is still here. He just made a stupid mistake. That’s all.
A: No. He is no longer there. I don’t see it in his eyes.
Adi: Why are you repeating his lines? He said the same thing before we broke up.
A: Because it is true. When I looked in your eyes, I don’t see him anymore. I don’t see the Muhammad Mahadi B Jamaludin anymore.
Adi: You’re not looking deep enough I guess?
A: Just one question: What does he have that I don’t have, that makes you say yes to him but not me? I waited for so long, and you said yes to him and not me!


Cut to:

Adi: I think you should find someone else. I don’t want you to waste your time waiting for me. Cos I am not ready yet.

Al: when will you be ready?

Adi: I don’t know. But I don’t think it will be any time soon. Sorry. But I really think you should not waste any more time waiting for me.

Cut to:

D: Abang. I don’t think I am ready to settle down.

Adi: what? But I thought you were.

D: No. I am still traumatised by my previous relationship.

Adi: So, you have never loved me?

D: I think it was an infatuation.

Adi: Like a crush?

D: No. A crush is just like for a while. Infatuations take more time to wear off.

Adi: so you have never loved me.

D: I thought I do. And I think I am…slowly falling for you. As in I feel that the infatuation is slowly becoming love. But I am just not ready for it. Actually I am not even sure what it is at the moment anymore.

Adi: I thought you knew. You know why I break it off with Calvin? It’s because he cannot even make up his mind. And I thought, why should I wait around for someone who is indecisive when here I have someone who is sure that he loves me. And now you tell me you’re not sure?

D: It’s not that I am not sure. Okay. Are we official?

Adi: I wanted to. But you said you’re not ready. And I don’t want to rush things cos I have been situations where I am rushed to make decisions. And I know how that feels like. It sucks. And that is why I don’t want to be rushing you.

Cut to:

N: You’re always taking things for granted. Just because you could have everything you ask for today, you don’t think about tomorrow. And you are always doing things slowly, leaving everything up till the next day.

Cut to:

R: you’re taking your own time. And I am sick of threading on still water.

Cut to:

Ai: I am leaving and you don’t even care.

Cut to:

R: You always let your ego gets in the way.

Cut to:

Ai: the world is so small when put beside your ego.

Cut to:

Adi: Even if don’t say it, you know that I do care!

Cut to:

N: you can never hide anything. Your eyes will give you away. It show your feelings.

Cut to:

R: Your eyes are not the only thing that shows. You wear your emotions on your sleeves bei. Why don’t you just say the truth and not let your ego gets in the way? If you really love me, for once, please don’t let your ego be in the way. Really show me how much you love me!

Cut to:

N: I don’t think you even love me.

Adi: I do

N: Then why whenever we go home, you never talk to me. You chose to talk JY, Fadhil, anyone except me.

Cut to:

N: You were hugging her!

Adi: she is my team mate. Of course we should hug each other when we win a round. So do you feel jealous when I hug Cordellia?

N: She is your lecturer!

Cut to:

F: Do you know that my sister loves you?! Why don’t you love her back?!

Cut to:

Adi: I really love you a lot.

Cut to:

D: Why are you so nice to me?

Adi: Cos when I love someone, I will give almost everything now.

Cut to:

H: I will need to borrow $50

Adi: I am financially tight now also. Cos I need to pay for my laptop and bills. Can I give you $20 instead?

H: Okay can.

Cut to:

H: I need another $60. Cos my sister created some problems and I need the money urgently.

Adi: Okay. Can when you want it?

H: Can you transfer it to my account?

Cut to:

H: Thanks for sending me home.

Adi: Nah. It’s okay.

H: I think I am falling deeper for you.

Cut to:

Adi: Why do you love me?

Cut to:

R: I think it is love at first sight. When I saw you in the music room on that day, my heart just race. And from that day onwards, I never stop thinking of you and trying to catch your every attention. I also don’t know what actually made me fall for you.

Cut to:

N: I don’t know. There is just something about you that somehow I don’t seem to be able to point out why I love you.

Cut to:

Ai: If someone were to give me reasons as to why they love me, I would tell them, that is not love. So yeah. The answer to your question is “I don’t have a clue why I love you. I just do”

Cut to:

H: I don’t know. It is just that when you’re not there during rehearsal, I feel something is missing. Like I am missing something. Someone.

Cut to:

D: There are a lot of reasons. I think one of the reasons is because you’re one of the sweetest person I have known.

Adi: So if I am no longer sweet, you will stop loving me??

D: It is not that.

Cut to:

Adi: That is exactly the answer I was looking for. “Don’t know” cos if you start giving me reasons, I say that is not love. Cos love is supposed to be irrational.



To be continued…..

Monday, April 23, 2007

I still love you


These legs just won’t budge
No matter how I tried to move them
This heart still aches at the sight of your countenance
Be it in person or remnants of those sweet memories.
As distance makes the heart fonder
I crave and I yearn
Every opportunity for your warmth
I hunger for your attention that you once gave back then
These tears still flow
Even in the absence of your acknowledgement
The more I tried
The deeper the cut
Should I just falter, or should I still persevere?
my heart and mind, still in your hand
they lay cold and motionless
Still you won’t breathe life into them
I continue being dead… while I’m still in love with you.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Do you love me?



Love is a complicated thing. I use the word “thing” for lack of better words right now. Is it a system? Blessing? Curse? I once told someone. Okay wait. Sigh. My mind is so screwed right now. I can’t even arrange my train of thoughts.

On the 12th April, I helped this NTU student with his photo shoot. And during the photo shoot, he will snap casual shots of me while we talk about love, those stupid things we do and work and more stuff about love and the whole concept of it. I think I am kinda having a crush, but that’s not the point. During the conversation, I suddenly said, “Love is a poison and a cure in itself.” I don’t know where I got that from, but I just said it. He was taken aback for a moment, and he said that is an interesting perspective; he is actually the philosophical type, you see. A rare gem!

Anyway, I continued saying that love is a cure to loneliness, misery and many other manifestation of emotional illnesses. When you found a loved one, a partner, suddenly you see everything wrong in the world as being right. You felt bliss, at ease and suddenly nothing can ever get you down, cos you know when you’re falling, you will have a pillar to lean on. But then love, being complicated and all, also present itself as a poison. Sometimes, when you fell for the wrong person, you thought of dying, cos the pain is just too much to bear, too hideous to bare. And you slap yourself around, wishing it was all a big nightmare and that tomorrow will be a better day, but as fate would have it, love takes time to heal. And then you tell yourself, love is a poison, which you will stay away from forever. But then again, there will come a time when you just find yourself alone, lonely, and you just cannot help noticing around that your friends are all happily attached, holding the hands of their loved ones; everyone except you. And the crave for love will creep in slowly, and you know you just have to find that cure called “LOVE”. Love- a poison and a cure; some people died seeking for it, others keep searching for it till their golden age!

When it comes to love, it takes two hand to clap, sounds simple but as you would have already discovered, complexity presents itself in the simplest simplicity.

There are times, when you love someone so deeply, but it turns out, that it was a one sided affair. You would give everything to have the love of this person, but then again, he/ she just don’t give a damn.

There are also times when someone is so deeply in love with you, that he/she will do anything to win your heart, but you just don’t have the feeling for them. Should you then force yourself to love the person, just because he is so sweet to you?

I once had (I don’t know about now lah) someone who waited for me for more than 6 years. I knew him since JC. We have seen each other through the many heartbreaks. I have seen him through his NS years, through the times when he was abused by this Abang, whom I cannot remember his name now, through his years with Immeran, till the time he landed his first job in IKEA. He proposed many times only to be met with a “NO”. Every time I said no, he will withdraw himself, and I cite “I think it is better for me not to see you then, cos I think it will be easier for me to forget you that way.” But every hari raya, he will never fail to message or call me up and we will meet to break fast on one of the fasting days. But all that has stopped now. I don’t know why, but somehow, I missed our times together, especially when one of my colleagues mentioned him.

I think the biggest blow for him was to see me with this someone whom in introduced to him as Adik. Me and my so-called Adik met him once in IKEA and he dragged me one corner to ask me if that was my BF.

A: Is that your BF?
Adi: No lah. That is my Adik. I am just close to him lah.
A: You know that you can never lie, right?
Adi: I am not lying.
A: So why are you so defensive?
Adi: Am i?
A: Your shoulder is tensed.
Adi: Tsk..
A: Come on Adi. I have known you for how long already? (take a peek at Adik) From his body language and all, I can tell that he is already. I takes one to know the other.
Adi: No lah. You’re overanalysing things.

Two days later, I received a voice mail. It was from A. it was a song, sung by him:

Di manakah letaknya diri ku ini
Sehingga ku rasa sungguh asing sekali
Hilang sudah rindu dan kasih sayang
Segalanya bagai baru saja bermula

I thought that was very sweet of him to be serenading to me and all. Little did I know that there was a meaning to the song. He saw me with Adik, and he knew that I was attached, I was no longer straight. When I broke up with Adik, he called me, and we met.

A: What happened to the Adi I once know? Who has his own set of principles and who were once so firm with his own school of thoughts?
Adi: He is still here. He just made a stupid mistake. That’s all.
A: No. He is no longer there. I don’t see it in his eyes.
Adi: Why are you repeating his lines? He said the same thing before we broke up.
A: Because it is true. When I looked in your eyes, I don’t see him anymore. I don’t see the Muhammad Mahadi B Jamaludin anymore.
Adi: You’re not looking deep enough I guess?
A: Just one question: What does he have that I don’t have, that makes you say yes to him but not me? I waited for so long, and you said yes to him and not me!

And that was among the last words I heard from him. Last I heard he is now happily attached to someone and he is living happily ever after with that person.

I pray for his happiness.

So,now, I am once again alone. Single. But as the photographer has asked me before “So do you give up now? Or do you continue your pursuit for the cure?” and I said “I shall continue for as long as my life permits.”

Love. It can be so cruel sometimes, right? When you love someone, only to discover that someone is not in love with you…

Every time I see your face, my heart smiles
Every time it feels so good, it hurts sometimes

p.s:Do you really love me?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Alanis... Love her!





Saw this off Jon's blog and I just love it so much that I have to put it in my blog too! Alanis has always been one of the female singers I looked up to, apart from Mariah that is. There is something about this lady... the edgy lyrics and the voice with ATTITUDE, has never failed to impress me!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Short and Sweet



Alter: Woah! How long it has been?

Adi: Long enough I guess.

Alter: Wait. Let me count. 1,2,3 months?

Adi: Somewhere around there. And I am not trying to make excuses for the long err… should I say absence of update, but seriously, my schedule has been crazy, and if I so do happen to have an off day, which is very rare, I would prefer to just go out and shop or dine or meet friends or just.. I don’t know. Most of the time, I just use my off days to catch some sleep.

AlteR: And when he says off day, it didn’t mean just off from Sentosa.

Adi: (laughs) You know me…

AlteR: Yup. Cos when he does get off from Sentosa, he is usually busy with teaching drama, and going for some random rehearsals and stuffs. And I heard from reliable sources that your schedule is more hectic this month?

Adi: where do you hear it from ah?

AlteR: From some source… Well. Just some source, which I don’t feel there is a need for me to elaborate further, yes?

Adi: Okay… Well. Yes. But there are also some projects that are not confirmed yet. So yeah. It might get more hectic, but then again, it might just be a-okay as time fillers I guess.

Alter: You’re talking in circles now. Are you hiding anything from the readers?

Adi: (laughs) No. I’m not. Okay. Wait. By now, I am sure most of my colleagues and friends would have known that I have been selected to act in 2 plays in the Short and Sweet Festival. So yeah… here are a bit more details about it:

25 April to 29 April 2007, 8pm
Studio Theatre, Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts
Tickets: $25

“4 seconds”
Written by Leon Foo. Directed by Christina Sergeant.
How much can you say in 4 seconds? Quite a lot actually, especially when that’s all you have left to live.

Saturday, April 21, 3pm
Play Den, The Arts House,
Tickets: $20

“Smoke”
Written by Suzanne Choo. Directed by Jenniffer Tang Ting Ting.
Creative consultant: Malti Lalwani.
Starring Adi, Ken Mizusawa and Jamie Shawn Tan.
Does anyone really care about what's happening to the environment? This play examines the arguments of a man who’s intimately familiar with the subject: the valet parking attendant.

Alter: Two plays? Isn’t it like heavy?

Adi: Not really. Cos for Smoke, I am only carrying a small role. And it is a comedy, so I guess it is not really that taxing as compared to 4 seconds. For 4 seconds, I am one of the 2 leads, and the play is very emotionally challenging to me. And plus there were chunks and chunks of lines to be memorised. Eh.. I just realised that for Smoke, they actually put who is starring in the play but for 4 seconds, it is omitted out. Hmmm… Okay never mind. Anyway, on top of the 2 plays, as usual, I am also teaching drama at three primary schools. An d on top of that I MIGHT be involved with some school shows.

AlteR: Are you referring to the PUB shows?

Adi: Nope. The PUB show..erm..so far, I have not heard much about it. I was supposed to be called down for a review by the board of PUB committees. But that hasn’t happened yet so far. So I really don’t know what will happen to that one. But right now, I am in the midst of working things out with another company who is also doing school shows for some stat boards. So keeping my fingers crossed for that one, cos from the way I look at the schedule, all my classes will end by the end of April. So by May I should be free enough to pick up school shows.

AlteR: Okay. Actually I want to ask more on how is the Sentosa show coming along. But, I think I should keep that a bit later, cos right now, I want to ask you to elaborate more on the Short and Sweet festival.

Adi: What about it?

AlteR: Yes. Exactly, what is it about? Cos not many of us here are theatre people and there are people who might be asking what the hell is this Short and Sweet Festival this guy is blabbering about?

Adi: I thought I left the links for the readers to read more about it?

AlteR: Yes. But wouldn’t it be more convenient for them to read it off here rather than go surfing to some other websites, don’t you agree?

Adi: Okay. Like that, then allow me to cite some of the description given in the website. Wait ah. Okay. Here it is:

Now entering its sixth year, Short & Sweet is the biggest festival of short theatre in the world. Held annually in Sydney, Melbourne and now Singapore, the Festival has staged nearly 400 plays, watched by 18,000+ people.

This innovative and fresh theatre festival will feature 40 ten-minute plays that showcase the best of Singapore’s established and emerging Writers, Directors and Actors including Tracie Pang, Christina Sergeant, Samantha Scott-Blackhall, Michael Corbidge, Noorlinah Mohamed, Ng Yi-Sheng, Loretta Chen, Ovidia Yu, Katerina Tiapula and many more.

During the Singapore Festival, Short & Sweet will present 20 different plays over a two-week period. The climax will be a Gala Final and Awards night, complete with a panel of highly respected industry judges – cited from
Short and Sweet Singapore 2007

Alter: So, if the play that you are acting in is selected for the gala final, where will it be staged?

Adi: Yes. I am keeping my finger crossed that at least one of the play is selected. The Gala night will be over at the recital studio in Esplanade. And if that happens, it will be my first time acting there. And to be honest, there is a lot of first for me in this festival. And one of it is to perform an emotionally heavy piece in front of an audience for 5 nights straight?

Alter: But aren’t the Song of the Sea an everyday performance?

Adi: Actually even for the Song of the Sea, it is not 5 straight days, the maximum number of days I perform for a week is only like 4 days. And for Song of the Sea, it is more physically demanding, and it is not an emotionally heavy piece. (smiles)

Alter: Alright. I think that is all the time we have for now.

Adi: Yes. But before we end the show, let me just state the dates for my performances for Song of the Seas:

13th april- 7.40pm and 8.40pm.

If you are free on that day, just give me a holler, and I might be able to get SOME of you guys in for FREE.

AlteR: and apart from that, do check up some entries which has been previously unavailable cos the time constraint at that point of time. And they are the following entries:

Rocky Horror

My Personality

The Story of Adi and the Hairdresser

Another Mindless Quiz

A Write- up for an entry to NUS

Calm and Cool

10 things I miss now

So yes, be sure to read all of them yeah. This is Alter signing out.

Adi: And this is Adi. Ciaoz.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

10 things I miss now



1. I miss the time when me and the colleagues would drop by Seah Imm hawker center almost everyday after work. Quote Beep: “ Lepas tu kau mesti leave half way cakap kau nak gi gym.”

2. I miss gym. It has been quite a while since I last visited it

3. I miss the time when there were only 6 of us. we have this common understanding between us. and when one of us are successful, we ARE GENUINELY HAPPY for one another. Not that we are not genuine now, but I guess there are some people who just, you know, seem so fake, and what the malays term as MATA MERAH, meaning when someone is successful, they will tend to have this ill-feelings for them. But still I hope, between the 6 of us, things will remain the same.

4. I miss Fadhil, Jiayuan, Harlina, Rashad and Johnathan!!! It has been ages since we all last meet. Hope to meet you guyz at Fadhil’s little gathering at NSRCC on the 21st and 22nd k. Don’t bubble hor!

5. I miss the nightly rendezvous at AL-AMEEN with the AL-AMEEN SIX-SOME!

6. I miss DEBATING. As in the real debating tournament thingy. Not the petty arguments I had on the day to day basis. Hur hur…

7. I miss MELON BUNS! Only one bakery store located at Taman Jurong has these buns. The bakery store anme is B&W. So yeah…to all the good hearted soul, if you have the time, I would so appreciate it if you could get me some of those. Sigh….have been too busy, that I just don’t seem to be able to drop by that bakery store to grab it!

8. I miss my N80 which has gone missing for like two weeks now!

9. I miss reading Chuck Palaniuk!

10. And I miss YOU most. Been like 5 years now. And when I think of you, it just hurts so much. And when I speak of you it hurts more...

Monday, April 02, 2007

Calm and Cool



Alter: For someone, whose heart has been crushed and who had lost a $800 plus handphone, you seem to be handling it all quite alright.

Adi: (smiles) What else could I do? Oh yes. Before we proceed on, let me just fill the readers and what happened to my phone. Okay. On 25th March, I used my lunch hour to go out for a script read over at Tanglin Ridge, which was at Tanglin Rd. Then, on my way back to Sentosa, I took this cab driven by a dishonest uncle. Okay what I mean by dishonest here? He took the long turn to get me back to Sentosa. So throughout the whole trip back I was like rambling on and on about the long trip and how it would have been cheaper and shorter if he turned the other way. And then… after alighting from the cab, I discovered that I had dropped my phone inside the cab.

AlteR: the cab with the dishonest driver?

Adi: Yes. And tried calling my phone using my colleagues’ phone, but no one picked up the phone. And then my colleague, Hazima helped me call my “lost” phone a couple of times, and the unlce picked it up. I talked to the uncle and he claimed that he was going to return the phone to me. I waited and waited and till now, the phone has not yet been returned to me.

AlteR: what do you expect? He was dishonest from the beginning.

Adi: and the worst thing is I couldn’t remember his cab plate number, his name or his face. And I have always thought better of malay cab drivers (sigh)

Alter: And did you rememeber to deactivate your phone?

Adi: Yes. I have deactivated it, and then I had my SIM card changed the following day.

Alter: And then there is this thing about having your heart crushed. Can you tell the reader on what has happened?

Adi: Okay wait. Before we moved further, I would like to take the time to thank a few people. Okay. First of all, I would like to thank Hazima. Here is a colleague, a supervisor and a friend whom I always quarrel with. She painstakingly took the time to help me call my phone a couple of times till the uncle picked up my phone. And never once did she scold and show face or got impatient with me when I keep borrowing her phone on that day that I lost my phone. And she even helped to comfort me right to the time when I was about to perform for the Song of the Sea. To Hazima, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

And to my little sister, Cindy, who have volunteered to lend me her phone till I got a new handphone, without having me to ask her for it… THANK YOU!!

And here is the weird part. On one hand, someone whom I always had quarrels with was more than willing to go the extra miles to hep me find my phone. On the other hand, someone who I love so DEARLY. Someone who has so called proclaims his love for me in February. That someone, when I told him about my lost phone, his only response was “You should try calling the cab company.”

AlteR: And that’s it?

Adi: yes. That is it! That is all he could say. There was no hugs of comfort. There was no WORDS OF COMFORT. No “come put your ehad on ym shoulder and cry” kinda words. Nothing. Zilch!

Alter: Woah!

Adi: And I should have like take that as a..how should I say this…

Alter: symptom? Prequel?

Adi: Somwhere along that line..erm… a sign I guess?

AlteR: As a sign of what to come?

Adi: yeah

AlteR: Why?

Adi: cos shortly after that, this same person whom I had loved so dearly approached me to borrow money. This is not the first time he asked me for money lah. And there are times when I can’t really help but to notice that something is very wrong between me and this person that I loved so dearly. It’s like, back then, he would message me incessantly to like ask me if I have eaten and how am I and what am I doing, you know that kind of i-am-very-concern-about-you-kinda-messages. But lately, he wouldn’t even pick up my calls, no matter how important it is. He rarely replies to my messages. And HE WOULD ONLY MESSAGE ME WHEN HE NEEDS HELP. ESPECIALLY FINANCIAL HELP! So two days after I lost my phone, I got my line reactivated. And the first message I received from him since the whole catastrophe was him needing to borrow $20 from me. And when I failed to lend him the $20, I don’t know. Since then I felt that he started distancing himself away from me.

Alter: Hmmm… It sounds like you have just been toyed around.

Adi: It seems that way. Of course, it could all be just a misunderstanding on my part. But then again, if it is, and he comes to me and clarifies thing, I am willing to apologies. But then again, I don’t think he would even bother. And so I can’t help but to conclude what I said on the above. That… I am just a tool. Something that he made use of.

Alter: So how are you feeling right now?

Adi: I don’t know. Like you said, I look calm on the outside. But actually it is like a huge turbulent going on inside me. Sad. Disappointed. I don’t know what to feel anymore right now. And the worst thing is that I couldn’t tell anyone about it. Cos he also happens to be a colleague. And I don’t want any of my other colleagues to know about it, cos they might then have a negative perception of him. And I don’t want that to happen… cos I think I still do care for him.

Alter: So what is going to happen now?

Adi: I seriously don’t know. I guess I just have to be professional and not let it affect our working relationship loh. And hopefully, I am keeping my fingers crossed, it would not affect me at work lah.

Alter: Well. I am really bad at comforting words. But I just want to say, take it easy.

Adi: I am. (smiles)

AlteR: Like you always said to yoru friend, the ocean is wide. There are more than one fish in the ocean.

Adi: (laughs) I will try to stick to that philosophy. But what happens if I only like merlion?

Alter: Are you trying to be lame here?

Adi: Just to cheer myself up.

Alter: (pats Adi’s back) I am sure you would find the right one next time.

Adi: Hope so. (smiles)

Alter: Alright. That is all the time we have for now. This is Alter signing out.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

You Are 18 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

A write up for an entry to NUS



I found this on my desktop and realised that this was what i wrote a couple of weeks back when applying for an admission to NUS. And here is what I wrote:

Recently, I had the honour of being trained by a French actress, Julie, for the new musical fountain show I am currently involved with in Sentosa. During one of the rehearsals, we had an open talk about our lives and I find it funny that we had so much similarity and yet here we are separated by continents and oceans. But what touched me most is when she told me that, like me, she only started her pursuit in acting at the age of 24.

She did admit that 24 is an age a tad too late for you to be exploring the acting/ entertainment industry, but she is also quick to add that when you have the passion, you just have to go ahead with it, and not really be hampered down by others perception.

She told me that at the age of 24, she decided to go to an arts school and pursuit a degree in acting. She graduated 5 years later, and whenever she sent out her CV to potential producers, she always lied about her age. It’s only after they granted her an interview or an audition, did she reveal her real age. Now at the age of 32, she has travelled across globe with event companies and other famous theatre practitioners.

I guess the most valuable lesson I learnt from her is how to a successful person. Most people told me that at the age of 25, I am a little too old to pursuit higher education. On the other hand, I know where my passion lies, and what my goal in life is. And I definitely will not allow other’s perception to be of a hindrance to the goals and objectives I have set in my life.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Dinner and Dance 2007


It's late. My eyes are getting ehavier. I know I have not been updating regularly. And i just feel that this is a very important reflection of my cureent life. Party and more Party. These pictures are taken from the Sentosa Dinner and Dance 2007 at Cafe Del Moor. Feast your eyes on the pictures.


Introducing The ARABIAN GANGSTARS:








The PIRATE and the QUEEN


The PIRATE and the MAIDEN


The PIRATE and his CAPTIVE


Yours truly doing the dance


FYI, Yours truly won a claypot set and some cool beer vouchers, which of course yours truly dutifuly passed to some unsuspecting strangers. (The vouchers only, the claypot set was given to mother dearie).

P.s: Had a one night stand after that with a certain someone. Not to self: toothpaste is a no no in lovemaking.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Another mindless Quiz



What type of person do you attract?
Your Result: You attract artsy people!

Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)

You attract unstable people!
You attract models!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract geeks!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract?
Quizzes for MySpace