Tuesday, April 29, 2008

A Letter sent- intended

My parents always told me be careful of what you do, cos your deed now could change your life forever in the future. Like the saying goes “Your past might just come to bite back you in the ass”. And till today, I still cherished my life, be it in JC, NS or Polytechnic. I have never by far regretted any of my actions, be it bad or good. I am always thankful for the good experience and learnt from the bad. I will always to thank Him for all the blessings and I will always thanks Him for the strength that He gave me for the challenges He laid down for me.

Anyway, one of my past kinda caught up with me when in received this letter:

Hi Adi, or Mahadi as i use to call you back in NS... Well... Its been a long time

Since we ended our NS stint but i still missed the old days don't you agree?

The laugh, sorrow, stress, jokes and fun we all used to share among us.

We're like brothers you see. Well, only during NS and after that, we all went

On our separate ways and busy with our own other thing.

Things are different now... wish how i could turn back time and start doing

It all again. Hah!

But we're in the future and there's no way you can go back in time. Nonsense!

Ok, i won't drag anymore stories as i might scare that you get bored...

If you really want to know who i am, well here goes...

I'm Noorisman from BRTC Head Pers Office. Remember Lta Tang Kok Lian?

So it's ok if you don't wanna reply to this message as i understands it

Clearly as to why? Anyway, saw you once at a play with my girl friend.

Told them that you use to be my friend and they ask me what happened?

They ask me to forgive and forget and so here i am.

I'm sorry bro to you and all the other bro that i didn't get the chance to

Say sorry to. Well... Goodnight, sweet dreams and sleep tight alright?

P.S. Im now in Sydney Australia and will be back before labour day. I've been here for a months already and its damn cold here because its winter time here... the time now is 0217hrs here

Okay. Just a little bit about Noorisman. He is one of the NSF attached to my camp. He was in PERS department and I was in OPS department. Anyway, I didn’t really talked to him much, I was a quiet person back in NS. The one who was close to him was my close friend, Faizal. Faizal willa always talk to me about Noorisman, of how he sympathises him with all the family problems and all. Faizal grew closer to Noorisman up to the point that he took him in as a brother. Little did he know, Noorisman was telling him lots of tales and lies. The reason? To garner Faizal’s sympathy and to get closer to Faizal. Faizal suspected that he is not straight. And that is when the whole all NSFs against Noorisman saga started with me being in the i-don’t-care-cos-i-am-in-my-own-world state. After I completed my NS, I went into polytechnic and I didn’t really get any update on that saga, and I didn’t know what happened to Noorisman until I received the little mail he sent me.

The following is my reply:

Hi Noorisman,

There seems to be a lot of issues to be addressed in your mail. I will try my best to address these issues in the most diplomatic ways I could. First of all lots of apologies if I tend to use harsh words in the course of addressing these issues, as you know I have just broke up and thus the jadedness that you might find within this short reply.

The first issue is the term “brother”. Back then in NS I have never believed in that term, cos seeing at how things have been, it was difficult to trust anyone. The only few people I trust would include Faizal and my gym buddy, Wan from PERS. They are the ones who have always been there for me and Wan has been inspiring me to work really hard in the gym. Even then I have never called them brothers or best friends. So I hope you wouldn’t mind if I say I have never seen you as a brother as I have never trusted you or any of the words that came out of your mouth.

With that said, I don’t think you owed me any form of apology, cos seriously I wasn’t the one who is bothered by whatever condition or family related problems you deemed to have back then. I never even bothered to find out if you are straight, bisexual or gay. The person who is very hurt was Faizal. I think you owed him an apology.

Lastly, I hope the few years have made you more matured now, attitude and psychologically wise of course. I wanted to go to Australia earlier this year, but haven’t gotten the opportunity due to workload.


p.s: You said you saw me in a play? Which one was that?

Oh well, let bygones be bygones. For me I will just forget it and move, cos life is too short for you to bear grudges and dwell in the past.

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Day I was Jinxed?

Alter: Why the pissed off look? Is that your new look for now?

Adi: don’t provoke me. I’m not in the mood.

Alter: Oh. Some one had a rough day eh?

Adi: Rough is an understatement. Today is officially one of the most fucked up day of the year.

Alter: Oh. Tell us. What happened?

Adi: It all began in the early morning. I woke up at 0730. I swore I could have reached work early as I got out of my house at 0825. I decided to take the bus, 963 to be exact. The last time I took this bus, it only took me half an hour to reach sentosa, but this time around, I have no idea why, it took me almost one and a half hour. So I reached work late despite waking up early.

AlteR: Oh. Relax bro. Just being late for work doesn’t really make today your most fucked up day, yes?

Adi: Oh. It didn’t end there. In the afternoon I went to the office to collect contracts to extend the services of some of the artistes. I was told by the person in charge of doing the contract that the contracts should be ready by today. However,, when I went to the office, the contracts were not there. I messaged the person in charge and he told me that the contracts were not ready as he was rushing other stuffs in the morning. So I went up to the third floor to collect cheques for my beloved part timers, only to be told by the finance department that the cheques will only be ready at the end of the week.

Alter: Okay. SO it is just a case whereby there is a delay in cheques and contracts. I don’t think it’s that bad.

Adi: That’s not the end. I took half day leave to attend a rehearsal which was slated to start at 3 on that day. I took a cab to the rehearsal space only to be told that the rehearsal has been cancelled last minute and that the co-ordinator has already messaged everyone about it. Apparently I didn’t receive any notifications. So I make my way back to Sentosa and cancelled off my half day leave.

Alter: WOah! And I assume that is not the end of the story yet?

Adi: Yup. After work, I decided to go to the gym to blew off steam after the sleuth of bad lucks. And guess what? I was locked inside the gym toilet when I was showering, and had to be rescued by the rangers in Sentosa.

Alter: Okay. This is definitely your most unlucky day.

Adi: Yes. Thanks you for listening to my ramblings on my most fucked up day.

Alter sprinkles salt on Adi’s shoulder. A salt enters Adi’s eye. Adi yelled in pain.

Friday, April 25, 2008

A nice one from the ONE AND ONLY, Mariah Carey

Everyone close to me knew that I love this woman to bits. Even though some people criticizes her harshly for lip synching on some shows, I have to admit my admiration towards her only grows with time. Her songs are inspiring and her voice are just incredible (of course I have to admit it was better back then). And her latest song entitled “Bye Bye” brought tears to my eyes when I first listened to it. Here is a live version of the song, and the lyrics. Enjoy!


This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me alive
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown full things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever


(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye


Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Let’s admit it. My brother is a MAT REP. the third and fourth one. They wear tappered jeans and pants. Have tails at the back of their head. Hair styled into mowhawks. So when the third brother sold me his N80, along came with it the hords of techno music which I have never heard of in my entire life (except the one sang by Cascada). Anyway, I would have never ever thought that they would also be listening to ballads or what-you-called-it-emo-song. And I was truly surprised to find this particular song in the phone. It is called Once by Dealova. Here is the band singing live at some award show in Malaysia.

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg mungkin bisa kau rindu
karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu
oh karena hati telah letih
aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg selalu bisa kau sentuh
aku ingin kau tahu bahwa ku selalu memujamu
tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati
oh bayangmu seakan-akan
kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
yg memanggil rinduku padamu
seperti udara yg kuhela kau selalu ada
hanya dirimu yg bisa membuatku tenang
tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang
dan sepi, dan sepi
repeat reff [2x]
selalu ada, kau selalu ada
selalu ada, kau selalu ada

p.s: I am stuck to this song now. It is literally playing in my head almost on every other day. The lyrics… they are haunting. The song is in malay. If you don’t understand it, try to get someone to translate it to English. Seriously, you should! It would help you to really really appreciate the song.

p.s: I still have no idea why this malay song has an english title. It doesn’t have any english part to the song.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Case of the EX

Alter: Which EX are you talking about exactly?

Adi: The X-mother-in-law actually.

Alter: Ooh. Tell us more.

Adi: You see, when I was attached to Rahman like eons ago, I was quite close to his family, especially his grandmother and mother. I could literally talk to his grandmother for hours and she really made me feel like as if I am her grandson. And that was something for me cos I am never close to my own grandmother. So I actually see her as my own grandmother.

Alter: And how about the mother?

Adi: For the mum, it is kinda weird. She was all warmth at first. Then towards the middle part of the relationship, suddenly she was all cold towards me. Rahman said she felt uneasy of how close I was to him. Here is the thing, I have never wanted to join him in his little meals or check-ups with the mum but he always told me that it would be better if tagged along so that his mum could get to know me better. Then when I asked him of his mother sudden change, he told me that maybe I should stop tagging along to his little meet-ups with his mum.

Alter: And then what happened?

Adi: I stopped seeing her, like totally, even until the day I walked off from him.

Alter: Okay.

Adi: Then came the surprise.

Alter: Which is?

Alter: I was on my way to collecting my N80 from the Nokia service center at Suntec when I met his dearest mummy, aka my x-mother-in-law, along citylink mall. And she was once again all warmth and nice. Here is the short excerpt from the conversation we had…

Auntie: Eh Adi.
Adi: Hi auntie. (reached out hand to shake her hand)
Auntie: It has been a long time I last seen you.
Adi: Yeah. How have you been?
Auntie: The same. Normal. You look good.
Adi: Thanks. I like the thing you did to your hair.
Auntie: Thanks. What are you doing now?
Adi: I am working as performer in Sentosa. And I also did a few productions here and there.
Auntie: Are you still using the same number?
Adi: Yeah. Still the same.
Auntie: Okay. I got to go.
Adi: Okay. See you.

Alter: Woah. Pep talk eh?

Adi: (laughs) Anyway, a few minutes later I was further surprised when I received a message from her

Auntie: “Hi Adi. Nice meeting you again. Keep in touch ya. Auntie Diana.”
Adi: Sure. I would definitely be keeping in touch with you especially when I have productions coming up. I know you love watching theatre performances.
Auntie: Thanks. I would definitely come to support you.

Alter: She actually sounded nice. Not you typical mother in law from hell.

Adi: She is nice. I guess the coldness back then was just her own reaction to her own insecurity that I might just steal her son away, which I never dream of doing anyway. He would be such a burden. Come to think of it, she should be thankful if I were to be taking away her only bundle of burden.

Alter: Be nice Adi.

Adi: I will. (laughs)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

After- effect from the TABOO trip

If you have read about my HOMECOMING TRIP, then I am sure you would have known that I have stepped into TABOO after 6 years since I last stepped in it. Then came a surprising message from an unexpected person. I shall just let you read on...

Saw you at tantric the other day, i think. On 29 march, the nite i attended ashley isham show. You were wearing NUM red party tank. I was wearing blazer. Was with a macho mary friend. Too high. Lol.

Adi's reply:
Yup. That was me alright. I saw you too. It was impossible to miss you since we were both only separated by the guy you were with. He was standing in between us. By the way, I wouldn't exactly label him as Macho Mary; old is more like it. And i saw him keep looking and staring at me. What's up with that?

Anyway, nice hearing from you again. Hope life has been treating you kind.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Technology that might spoil Appetite

Imagine this. It’s lunch hour. You were hungry. You went to this hawker center called Seah Im Hawker Center, located opposite of Harbor Front Center. You sat down. All this while you were enduring the hunger pang in your stomach. And then your phone rang. You got a message.

The message read:
How was your day?

You replied:
Okay. I guess. Still strung up on my ex. Apart from that work has been fine today. Just hungry at the moment.

You received another message. It read:
Aww. Just hang in there k.

And you replied:
Thanks for the word of encouragement.

The person messaged you again:
How long have you not had sex?

You ignored the message and went ahead to order a mee hoon goring from the Indian stall next to the Chinese drink stall. You ate the mee hoon goring. It tasted nice. Spicy… just what you expected; the best mee hoon goring in Singapore.

Then the person messaged you again:
What phone are you using?

You took your time to reply, savoring every fork-ful of mee hoon goring:

The he went on in his next message:
Can I video call you? I am damn horny. I want to show you my cock.

You almost choke on the last forkful of mee hoon goring. Then you took a deep breath and you replied:
No. I am eating lunch right now!

Then he didn’t message you anymore. You felt peaceful. Just you, the mee hoon goring, and you glass of sugar cane juice. Nothing can come in between the three of you. Not even the idea of a poor cock being jerked off in front of a camera phone. And for a moment, you thanked god that the guy on the other line reads and understands English perfectly well.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Breaking the Silence

Alter: What a strange title to have for a blog entry.

Adi: Well. You know me. Always going for the weird, unexplored, un-chartered territory.

Alter: You know, you are weird yourself.

Adi: I know. But in what ways may I ask?

Alter: Early this year, you mentioned that you have finally got yourself attached. But somehow, you kinda disappeared after that.

Adi: (smiles) I was attached this sweet wonderful guy called Amir. We were attached since 17th December 2007.

Alter: Then how come we never hear any update about him?

Adi: seriously, I do want to share those great times we had together, you know like during our birthday celebrations. Oh, by the way we are both AQUARIANS, so our birthdays are only days apart. Anyway, that besides the point. The point is we do share a lot of sweet memories together; it’s just that I was too busy running around doing projects with Dream Academy, and all the other school tour program, and plus I started teaching drama at three different schools, and then the remaining time I usually spend time either with the boyfriend or family. So there is almost no time for me to sit down a blog away.

Alter: So why then did you suddenly start to blog today?

Adi: First of all, my project for the Step With It program have just ended last Thursday. And I have wrapped up a season of two of the school tour program, which will not start again till next semester. And I have also finished my lessons with one of the secondary schools I was teaching. And now I am single. So I am having plenty of time at hand right now.

AlteR: you mean you just broke up?

Adi: yes.

Alter: This is what I hate.

Adi: what?

Alter: No wind. No storm. Suddenly break up. It reminds me of that last boyfriend you had.

Adi: Kalvin?

Alter: Yes. You know, we never hear anything about him or saw him before, all of a sudden, you just broke up.

Adi: Kalvin is very discreet. There have been times when I am so tempted to put our pictures together, but given his status and all, I decided to just respect his decisions to be discreet about the relationship.

Alter: But I don’t think Amir is that discreet right?

Adi: He is. But he is open up to a certain extent. Like he wouldn’t mind me blogging about him, but he wouldn’t want to hold hands in the middle of Orchard. You know that kind of discreet.

Alter: So why haven’t we heard anything about him.

Adi: Haven’t I already said I didn’t have time back then due to commitment over so many projects. So, since I have the time now, I thought I would just start blogging again. And I have the time, I would try to update more on the memories we had. And the other reason why I started blogging again is because I am having some trouble or rather issue with the break up.

Alter: What kind of issues?

Adi: I think I am not able to move on from it. It has been three weeks and I am still very much hung up on him.

Alter: who asked for the break up and why?

Adi: okay. It’s a very long twisted story. But I think it is sufficient to say that the whole thing that started it was a belt from Armani Exchange. I really did not want to go through the whole story again cos like I said I am still not over the whole thing and it just hurts so much just thinking about it.

Alter: How long has it been?

Adi: What? The break up?

Alter: Yes

Adi: It has been three weeks. You know what, I did ask him what are the chances that we would get back together or does he even want to get back. And he said HE DOES WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER but at this very moment he is just too stressed up thinking about getting himself a job and all. So he said he didn’t want to complicate his life thinking about the relationship yet.

Alter: So in other words, he did hint to you that there is still chance for you to get back together again, and this very moment you are just clinging on to that very slim hope or should I say chance.

Adi: yes. You took the whole exact words right out of my mouth. I am still hanging on to that very slim hope, that little glimpse of whatever is left of the relationship.

Alter: how long were you guys attached?

Adi: 2 days to three months.

Alter: That is quite short and you are hung up on him like as if you have been attached for ages.

Adi: I always have this issue about moving on. I seem to take like forever to move on. I guess it’s because when I love that someone, I really love with all my heart and I would really work my butts off for that person.

Alter: Ah…I see.

Adi: And the thing is, after we broke up, I told him that since me calling or messaging would actually like put on stress for him, so I said I would not call him or message him. I would leave it up to him to make the first move each time. As in I would only reply to his messages or calls him but I won’t be the one calling or messaging.

Alter: And?

Adi: and for the first two weeks of the break up, he did call or message. But now, he is al;l silent about it. I think he has found a new bf.

AlteR: I think you are being paranoid.

Adi: I don’t know. A lot of people have been asking me to move on. But I think for now, in terms of relationship, I am just going to stay frozen for a while. But in terms of career wise, I think there has been a positive development.

Alter: really?

Adi: yup. I have just been offered to do a full production with InwardBound for their upcoming May production. And TeaterKami has offered me to do their Romeo and Juliet production to be staged in Espalanade in July. So I hope that would keep me busy and keep my mind off the relationship issue.

AlteR: yes. I hope so too. And I wish you all the best for the upcoming productions.

Adi: I will try to update as often as I can. But again, no promises. Ciaoz.