Friday, May 23, 2008

Diary of a Man



Saw the following in my email. Thought it deserves to be publicised here in my blog. Enjoy... The Diary of a Man...

1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a
good memory. I'm unable to remember what I chose.

2. Your birth
certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a
sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: It's
nature's way of saying 'no hard feelings'.

5. There are only two four
letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop'; unless they are
used together.

6. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to
the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages to sex in a person's
life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be
cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity; it's a lack of
opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a
good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once,
but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war
where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss; only down under.

14. A newly married
couple was happy with the 'whole thing'. He was happy with the Hole and she was
happy with the Thing!

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a
man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: What's
the difference between a ***** and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at
the party and a ***** sleeps with everyone except you.

17. Q: Why do men
find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.

18. Of
course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus; it turns your 31/2 inch
floppy into a hard disk.

19. despite the old saying, “Don’t take your
troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives!!!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Life Pattern of Adi



I begin to realise something. This blog has a pattern. My life has pattern. An annual pattern that is. I usually fell in love in December. Then stay in the relationship till February or March. Then break up. In April and May, I would have been in depressions. That is when I would blogged religiously. Then I would have my long lists of Rendezvous, crushes and random dates in June, July and August. In September, I would be too absorbed with Hari Raya Preparations. In October and November I would be too absorbed in work. Then in December, I would fall in love again. And the cycle goes on. That is why, if you had noticed, my blog is most active in April and May.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Case of the EX part 3



Dear I-think-you-know-who-you-are,

It was quite unbelievable for me that you are still reading my blog even after all through this years, we have been keeping silence from each other. And I know you will still continue to read on even after this entry. And I know you will thirst for an entry from me when I stopped blogging. As shameless as it may seem, but I know these are all true. What do you expect? Theatre people are meant to have thick skin, or they will not survive in the industry. My one year plus experience have taught me that.

Anyway, this entry came out as a sympathy for you more than anything else. Nope. It’s not my plea for patch up. I will not put myself through another scary movie. Scary movie is actually funny but not the relationship with you. Though there have been times when I actually wish I could make things right, you know say the right thing and do the right thing for you after the break up. Again, not because I want get close to you again, it is more of a clean record thing, you know so you will not be able to bitch about me.

Moving on, this entry is to advice you on what to do and what not to do in the future, cos I have been hearing too many bad reviews about you. And everytime I hear these bad reviews, I can’t help but to think “kesiannyer budak nie”. So here is my advice:

1. When you club, please practice some decency. Do not take off your top, cos first of all you are just bones and skin and you are just so skinny, that you don’t really much to show off anyway. It is actually quite a disturbing scene for most clubbers, especially those who went to play and St James. I have not heard any bitching going on with patrons from Taboo, but then again, better not start, right?

2. And also try not to budge in to people’s conversation at Maxwell. You may think that you know everything, but then again you’re just turning 21. there are so much things to be explored. Trust me. So don’t go around to people’s table and start dishing advise like as if you know everything, cos you know nothing.

3. I have heard a lot of people in the theatre scene talking about you. They say you have not turned up for shows before and was late on numerous occasions. They say you have been irresponsible. God, even people in the Front of House are bitching about you. And yet I still clearly remember back then, about two years ago, you told me that I will not be able to survive in the industry cos I was not disciplined enough. And you even told me to try other career path. How ironic? I think that is very hypocrite of you. Say one thing to me and do another. Well. Here I am torn between advising you not to be in the theatre industry (as you have told me off back then), or just stop being a hypocrite. I think I should not be mean and should just advise you to still act, but just stop being a HYPOCRITE. I MEAN I REALLY LIKE YOUR ACTING. YOU COULD REALLY PULL OFF AN AWARD WINNING PERFORMANCE. Your acting is so believable that it had me fooled on so many occasions. I especially like the act on the god brother thingy. What’s his name again? Nasri Is it? You told me that he was your god brother. Little did I know he was actually a married man who was expecting a child and he just so happens TO BE YOUR SEX BUDDY and that you have been fucked by him on so many occasions. Yup. That act was so believable, I would have still believed that he is just an innocent by-stander in our relationship if I haven’t stumbled on the truth.

4. I can’t believe you tried to get fresh with my EX. FYI, he don’t really like skinny guys.

5. Patrons of Taboo and Play and Powerhouse, they may be clubbers, but not all of them are the touch and go type of people. So stop treating ALL of them like that.

6. I would have gone on to advise no 6 when I suddenly discover that you are a case of beyond help. So I decided to just stop.


Yous truly (or maybe you would have used a fancier term like bastard?)
Adi

Monday, May 12, 2008

Translation



Adi: You know. I was listening to Fly FM this morning, and they were talking about some direct translation in subtitles for some movies.

Alter: Direct translation?

Adi: Yeah. Like for example, I have watched an English movie with a direct translation for its subtitle. You know on some DVDs, they have the option where you can choose to have the Malay subtitle up. A good example will be in Chicago during the Cell Block Tango. In this part, the characters are singing, “He has it coming, he has it coming.” And the Malay subtitles, it was written “Dia ada nye datang, Dia ada nye datang.”

Alter: (laughs) Really?

Adi: Yeah. So I thought what the heck, for this section, why not we play a little game of Malay-English Translation. You give me the name of movies and I translate it for you.

Alter: Okay. You ready?

Adi: Yes. Ready.

Alter: First up, Chronicles of Narnia.

Adi: Kroni-kasi Narnia.

Alter: Cool. Second one. Puaka Sundal Bolong

Adi: Erm. Curse of the Slut called Bolong?

Alter: Are you sure?

Adi: Well. Puaka is curse in Malay. Sundal is slut. I just assume bolong is the name?

Alter: Okay. Next. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Adi: Eh…I Love that movie. Starring Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey. His first non-funny role. Okay. Here it goes. The translation: Matahari dalam Kepala Otak Udang.

Alter: Kepala otak kau. Here is the next one: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.

Adi: Penghapus Tiga: Terbitnyer Mesin.

Alter: A malay movie called Masam Masam Manis?

Adi: Erm. Sour sour sweet?

Alter: Monster-in-Law

Adi: Mertua Raksaksa?

Alter: Dangerous Minds

Adi: Kepala Otak Merbahaya

Alter: Lost in Translation.

Adi: Sesat Dalam Translasi

Alter: Indiana Jones: Jewel of the Nile

Adi: Jones Keling: Barang Kemas Ni-ler

Alter: Superman.

Adi: Supar-man

Alter: Ayat- Ayat Cinta

Adi: Sentence sentence love

Alter: Bujang Lapuk

Adi: Dusty Bachelor.

Alter: Heavy rain

Adi: hujan berat

Alter: Raining cats and dog.

Adi: Hujan kucing anjing.

Alter: Musuh DaLam Selimut

Adi: Enemy in my Blanket. I still wonder what the enemy will be doing under your own blanket with you.

Alter: Boogeyman

Adi: Lelaki bogel.

Alter: Sumpahan Orang Minyak

Adi: Curse of Oily Man.

Alter: Woah. Not bad ah your translation skills.

Adi: Yes. Hopefully it would be helpful in my next malay production, Kisah Cinta Romzi dan Juleha, the Malay adaptation of Romeo and Juliet, to be staged in Esplanade in this coming July. Details will be provided with time to come. (smiles)

Alter: And with that, we’ve come to the end of this episode. See you again.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

When convincing acting saves someone from the embarassment of being caught sleeping at work



two ladies entered Images of Singapore through the exit and found themselves at the Festive Garden's entrance. Adi was at the station. They briefly chat and then the two ladies make their way up to family album. Mid-way, both of them stopped.

Lady 1: Is it just me or did u hear it as well?

Lady 2: Ya..I heard it too.

Lady 1 (to Adi): Come....did u hear that?

Adi: Hear what?

Lady 1: That sound....

Adi: No...there's no sound...

Lady 2: There! Listen...

All three listen intensely...

Adi: No...nothing..

Lady 1: There is! Listen...it sounded like someone snoring....

Adi: No...there isn't

Lady 1: It couldn't be just the both of us right...

Lady 2: there there....listen again...

Adi: No...I din hear anything..

Lady 1: Are u sure there's nobody under here...

Adi: no...it is just some storage space..

Lady 2 : but i'm sure we heard snoring.

Lady 1 moves down and about to go underneath the staircase..

Lady 1: Are you sure there's nobody under that?

Adi: Yes....it is just some storage space. the only thing there is my drink and my scripts.

Lady 1: ouh....come let's go...

both women move off bewildered....

Lady 1 is Sentosa's Head of Marketing.
Lady 2 is Suzzane Ho, THE coveted ex-anchorwomen, whos' with Sentosa now.
and the sound that causes this conversation was indeed snoring....by Zamri.

Monday, May 05, 2008

When I first hear Rihanna’s Please Don’t stop the Music, I told my EX that the song is actually an old song. And he, being a true blue devoted Rihanna’s fan, kept insisting that it is a new song. And after I heard Madonna La Isla Bonita, then I realized that Rihanna’s song actually sampled Madonna’s song and thus that is why I kept thinking Please Don’t Stop the Musci is an old song. If you don’t believe me, try playing both songs, and you shall soon discover what I discovered. Now play Madonna’s song first…




And now play Rihanna’s song and pay attention to the part at 1.30min. and again at 2.17min



And thus I concluded, that Rihanna’s song is a new song with samplings from Madonna’s song.