Saturday, December 31, 2011

31st December (Part 1)

Keeping tab/ Reviewing progress or achievements or key milestones and making new year’s resolution to me, used to be of somewhat or something cliché. I used to be under the impression that this is only for those wankers.

They wanked.

They cummed.

And then they received some sort of enlightenment…

Be it from above or from within themselves; they are pointless! Cos we all know by the end of the year, we end up not doing anything about it. That list that goes on and on, of which you’d probably taken about half a day to come up with on the 31st December of every year, just end up at some corners of your table/ wardrobe, collecting dust for the year.

This was the perception I held dear till 2009. By now, you’d probably have already known that by the end of 2009, I made a life changing decision. Beginning of 2010 I left a company which I worked for about 5 years. Be it, environmental changes, management changes et cetra: The point is I left. And that is that. So I was trying to put myself together, and market myself as a freelancer. I wrote down my CV. I attempted to.

3 words into the whole process, I was stuck. I didn’t know what to write about myself. All those 5 years working in that same company, somehow has frozen my ability to think. I no longer knew which part of myself is marketable anymore.

Yes. I have a diploma in Mass Communication, from a respectable school. Ngee Ann Polytechnic to be exact. The only school to offer Mass Communication in polytechnic level back then. But years have gone by, and I looked at it again. Is it still relevant? Now, everyone from all walks of life has a diploma in Mass Communication. So what now?

Of course there are the career fairs and meet ups with prospective employers, BUT I always felt myself being socially awkward at these meetings simply because, I don’t have a common idea to talk about. I don’t read the news. I don’t read books. I don’t watch TV. “I was screwed!”

Potential employer: So what’s your favourite TV programme?

Me: Do I look like a TV junkie?

Potential employer: What was the last book you’ve read?

Me: If you want a bookworm, you should have stated so in the job requirement.

Potential employer: What’s your take about the recent crisis?

Me: The world can go fuck themselves for all I care!

See what I mean? I know you might think that I am making these up. I’m not. Nowadays, potential employers no longer asked you about your qualifications and stuffs. Instead, they try to get to know you by asking you sneaky questions that are so called “indirect” and yet “direct”. From all your answers, they then try to make some “clever” deduction about your personality and how they think you might fit into the company’s culture.

Potential employer: So that Adi ah, he said he likes that lomantic comedy called Wedding the My Best Friend. I think ah, he may be one of those lomantic hopeless. So hopeless in job also.

And that’s the reality of today’s world.

SO as I was saying… “ I AM SO SCREWED!”


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Money Dont Grow on Trees or Friends

Dear You Up There,
Yesterday, I had a great time catching up with this group of people. I met them many years back. Possible in 2003. And we've been friends since then.

I don't know if our meeting back then is pure coincidental or if it's your doing to fulfil that grand plan of yours. But i'm thankful nonetheless.

I will also like to state here that i will never trade them for anything, even for a million euros. They're the best people i ever had in my life; always there even through my darkest hour.

For 10million euros?


Ok. I might consider.

Ok. I'm just kidding.


Yours Truly,
Adi Jamaludin

Sunday, December 25, 2011

5 tips to have pictures you wanna keep

As a follow up, to my previous post Through the Camera Lense,I am going to take the liberty to post some tips of how to combat the Fear of Lenses!

#5- Come equipped- Make-up, tweezers, mini hair trimmer, hair curler/ straightener- whatever it takes to make yourself look good. With the advent of computer software like photoshop, one may overlook the power of make up. Why trouble yourself with photoshop, when you can do without, by just using make up to cover the flaws, and tweezers to eliminate stray hairs? Anyway, it helps to always have a safety net. Makes you feel more comfortable in front of your enemies- the lenses!

#4- Make sure you have whatever it takes to also cool yourself down- mini fans, industrial fans, air-con, water, cucumber, basically whatever to help you cool down. Cos most photographers will be working with strong spotlights which emit heat that can make you melt into puddles of perspiration and that ain’t looking good for the lenses.

#3- Rolls of tissues- preferable the super absorbent type and always remember to dab yourself regularly, to eliminate the oil shine and perspiration that will make you look grimy in front of the lenses.

#2- Experiment always, to find your “good side” and “good angle”. Contrary to the popular belief that everyone is born symmetrical, I am here to break the myth- No one is born symmetrical, unless if you’re a model. Even models are not 100% symmetrical. Just like Mariah Carey, I find that my right side is the better side in photographs.

#1- Get your boyfriend to be your photographer- Cos he is the one who probably knows you best and can advise you accordingly on your good angles and pose.

But if he is the type who is condescending, then tell him to get the fuck out of your life…you shouldn’t be attached to him in the first place!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Through the Camera Lense

People: Why do you choose theatre over TV?

Adi: Cos i like the live interaction. When you act on stage, you're constantly receiving instant feedbacks from the audience. And that's a motivation for you to keep improving the shows on a night to night basis..

People: Doesn't TV pay better?

Adi: well, there are the pros and cons to it. All in all, i prefer theatre. It is sort of a comfort zone to me..

And that is where the conversations would usually stop. But if one were to ask me, what is this comfort that theatre offers that TV can't, i would say that the camera is the most daunting equipment to ever be invented simply cos the lenses has the ability to amplify any form of flaws that one have.

On one hand, i really admire those who have the overflowing courage to be scrutinised by the lenses, on the other i still have my reservations about being in front of those lenses, especially since i am at my heaviest point, if you know what i mean...

So usually, when i agree to do a short film or an advert shoot, i would choose a very close friend to work with. Or a total stranger, whom i know i will not ever meet for the rest of my life!

But to have your other half offerring to help me with my studio shot, it's a total different ball game altogether. It is beyond nerve wrecking.

I must also say here that he has been the sweetest thing on Earth, always reassuring me of my ability and how looks... Are just.. well, looks.

And that is why i so readily agree for him to be my photograher for the day. Am very excited about it...

KL, Baby!

I'm just so glad that I've managed to set aside time to be with this crazy folks... Thanks for the von-der-ful times folks!

And here are some memorable conversations from the trip...

Conversation #1
While sitting down at The Loaf...
Harlie: is that man talking to us?
Jy: no lah.. He signalling to the guy at the bottom of the stairs.
Adi: yeah. Apparently, he's the top...

Conversation #2
While having coffee...
Harlie: why are you taking pictures of my boobs?
Jy: i didn't. They are just there...
Adi: naturally flaunting themselves...
Jy: ...wanting to break free
Adi sings: i want to break free, i want to break free...

Conversation #3
While playing Monopoly game on iPad…

JY: Chee bye lah! Drop on Adi’s railway station again!

Adi: Okay what!

JY: So bloody expensive! $200 per visit! Daylight robbery!

Adi: Eh! But this one reliable okay! Never breakdown like SMRT!

10 minutes later…

Harlie: Wah! JY you kena $100 tax.

JY: Better than dropping on Adi’s property!

Adi: You rather pay the gahmen!

JY: I rather pay the gahmen loh!

Harlie: Better to pay Adi what!

JY made her move…

JY: Chee bye! Pay income tax $200!

Adi: See lah! You rather pay the gahmen what! If you drop on my property, I can give you discount k. But if you drop in gahmen spot, no discount!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

5 Top Regrets of the Dying

Saturday night. I was reading some random articles on my iPhone when I accidentally read an article with the title: 5 Top Regrets of the Dying. Intrigued I went on to read the following article (taken off the webbie: ...

Top Five Regrets Of The Dying

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Inspired as i was, I decided that I must not let myself get into a situation where I might be trapped by these 5 regrets. So i sent myself on a mission to change my lifestyle, which first of all included going to KL with my friends, Harlie and JY. So that is number 4 down. Before I even read the article, I have also ensured that I get a moment with my god-sister, Cindy and Gillian. (nice bunch to hang out with!)So this just seal off number 4 regret for now.

I know I will not have #1 cos I am already living a life that I wanted. To be an actor/ drama educator and not be tied down to any form of conventional 9-5 job.

As for no #2, as I have aged over the years, I have learnt not to always chase after jobs, but to pick and choose the jobs that I think will fulfill me both financially, spiritually and mentally. That's another regret down.

#5, is something that I always have realised. We all have the choice to be happy. If you're not happy with your job, leave it. There are other opportunities out there to be explored. And I say this based on my experience. I remembered, 2009 is a year that marked my 4th year working in Sentosa. I loved working in that place, given the ambiance of the working place, the people around and of course the perks that I get to enjoy. However, later that year, there was a major shift in management, and that was when I find myself no longer happy working on the island. On one hand, I feel very reluctant to leave the place, cos I was getting comfortable with it. But early in 2010, I could no longer stand the work ethics there, and I decided to leave. Of course, before leaving, I've mailed my friend, Danny Jow, telling him of my predicament. Armed with just one contact, and a burning desire to leave my full time job, I left the island. It was very daunting at first, but given time, i got the hang of working as a freelance performer and drama educator, and everything is once again good, and I am looking forward to better things in 2012.

Danny Jow once told me,"Guard your heart. Never be held hostage by your employer" and I have always held on to that. Always have faith in yourself, and place your self-value and dignity high. Give yourself a chance to grow and bloom and to discover your strength.

As for #2, I guess I am still working on it. I wish I have the courage to express myself and mysexuality to parents, siblings, relatives. Which I sorta did. Remember the post where I confessed to my mum of my sexuality. I guess she is still traumatized by the whole incident and is still coping with the whole situation.I am not asking for acceptance. I am only asking for her to acknowledged that I am not straight, but I still have her best interests in mind...

How about you? Did the article move you? Will you ever change your lifestyle to avoid these 5 regrets? I guess at the end of the day, the author did make a poignant point: Happiness is a choice.

Friday, December 09, 2011

Life's Not-so-little Blessings

Today's horoscope read "“@ZodiacFacts: #Aquarius have relatively few close friends, but they do tend to have a very strong mental connection with these friends”

And i think to myself, how true is the horoscope. I'm usually skeptical about people. I don't make fruends easily thanks to thus particular trait. But what i'm more thankful for is the fact that those whom i befriended are those whom i know will stick by me through thick and thin, better or worse, tested and proven over the years.

2011, like many other years have presented its own set of tests and tribulations, but i have taken everything in my stride and i've made it thus far because of you, you and you... People whom have given me courage, determination and sheer will power to just continue on with life, so that i can enjoy the better parts at a later time.

I'm also thankful to you for walking into my life when everything is just crumbling down. Your patience and love made a better person and will continue to inspire me to be a better person every day. I love you.

Friday, December 02, 2011

Love in a Humbling Place

For the past week, I’ve had the privilege of working with the under privileged children under the Chinese Development Assistance Council (CDAC) . Financially, they may not be well-to-do, but let me tell you something; they are fucking brilliant! (pardon the language!)

One of the kids, whom shall not be named, managed to duplicate a story words for words, perfectly, just from sheer memory work, AND he had only read the story once. Another kid, can do mental sums at secondary school level and answered 30 questions in less than 15 minutes. They remind me of Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man.

But what is most apparent is the sheer love and respect they have towards each other and the facilitators there. There was no racist remark passed around, and in the duration of two weeks, I have received more than 30 mini notes from students telling me how much they appreciated what I have taught them on a day-to-day basis.

They are really adorable. If you do have the time, you might wanna drop by the center in Tanjong Katong, in the afternoon, and you’d noticed that the center is filled with so much love, that even the lamp posts cast heart shapes on the floor.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

What makes an Inspirational Teacher/ Trainer?

During one of the meetings, I was presented this question. At one glance, I answered it loud and confident: An inspiring teacher is someone who can teach with so much passion and energy. Of course, along with that answer, came flashes of memories from those times I was still a student in Swiss Cottage Secondary School.

I remembered my Malay teacher. How lifeless was he. Do you know the meaning of layu? Layu in malay means lifeless, withering, about to die. Ironically, the malay people are called Melayu in malay. Melayu is just the secondary word to layu, as in walking is the secondary word to walk. So by technicality, Malays called themselves the race of withering and dying. My Malay teacher is the epitome of Melayu. He embodies every bit of the meaning to that word.

3pm, Malay lesson. I walked into class. He said,” Kelas, buka buku karangan dan tuliskan karangan berikut.” He wrote on the board. He said,” Selepas awak selesai, tukar buku karangan dengan kawan, dan berikan markah yang tepat pada kawan.” He walked over to the desk. He sat. He slept.

Next day, 3pm, Malay lesson. I walked into class. He said,” Kelas, buka buku karangan dan tuliskan karangan berikut.” He wrote on the board. He said,” Selepas awak selesai, tukar buku karangan dengan kawan, dan berikan markah yang tepat pada kawan.” He walked over to the desk. He sat. He slept.

The day after, 3pm, Malay lesson. I walked into class. He said,” Kelas, buka buku karangan dan tuliskan karangan berikut.” He wrote on the board. He said,” Selepas awak selesai, tukar buku karangan dengan kawan, dan berikan markah yang tepat pada kawan.” He walked over to the desk. He sat. He slept.

Put this on repeat for all five days, for 40 weeks in that year.

It’s a miracle that I managed to pass Malay with a distinction. Come to think of it, I always had a very strong Malay foundation in primary school. I was the only boy who took higher mother tongue. But that was beside the point.

The point is, that Malay teacher is the direct opposite of being inspirational.

On the other hand, my Maths teacher, Mrs Mano, her name, she is the angel. She turned my F9 into an A2 within 2 years. The amount of energy she has in class, the amount of passion and love she puts into her teachings. I remembered her standing at the school gate, cos I was trying to sneak out of her remedial class. I remembered the worry in her face, when I didn’t manage to grasp a certain concept. I remember her asking if I am okay, the next day I come back to school after one day MC. And I remember all the goodness in her, and I told myself, I wanna be like her.

But the most inspirational teacher, I ever had, was the boy called Aidil. He has imparted the wisdom of responsibility and integrity, impacted my life, and has inspired me to become the best drama trainer I could ever be, and I am still teary whenever I relate to how he turned my life around. It has been 3 years…

Monday, October 31, 2011

By the Beach…

Yesterday night was perfect. We were by the beach. Lying down, looking at the stars. The sky was clear. We were listening to Coldplay. You by my side. You suddenly popped a question: What would you do five years down the road?

I gave it a hard thought. And with that thought, came other questions: Will you still love me if I became unemployable or handicapped? Will you still stay with me if for some reasons I could no longer fulfil your sexual needs? There were many questions.

But at the end of that night, you reassured me that no matter how much we are going to be tested, you sill still stick by my side, through thick and thin, through health and sickness. Thank you for reassuring me… I really appreciate it.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

How do you know if you have found that perfect boyfriend?

I am sure this is one of the age old questions that we all asked ourselves every time we’ve met that attractive stranger, be it in a coffee place or a virtual space. Of course, the doubt, will in one way or the other, be so overwhelming that we repeatedly ask ourselves every seconds of the day, up to the point that it overshadows any possibility for any romance to bloom.

And before you do proceed to read further, please read this disclaimer thoroughly: I am not a romance expert, I just write based on what I know or experience.

Alright, to me the perfect man is out there, but before you can even decide if he is perfect, you have to first of all allow him into your private life. The way to do this is to expose any dirty secrets you have that you know will irk a stranger on the street. For example, on my first date, usually I don’t bother to stress myself out to select that perfect outfit for a first date. I just wear what is comfortable for me, cos I need to know that the man I am dating will put my comfort above his. And if he didn’t react violently, and he asked you out for a second date, then you are assured that he is comfortable with the “real” you and not the “made-up” you.

Next date, wear something that defines you. On my second date, I wore a knee boot that most punkers wear, cos I really liked the boots. He, of course asked me if I am comfortable being in the boots, and suggested that maybe I should change to another pair of shoes. Immediately, I knew his threshold for outlandish outfit. At this point, of course, you can ask yourself, if you’re willing to not wear the boots ever again, just to spend your lifetime with him. I decided not to wear the boots ever again whenever we go out.

Then we you’re attached, go for the haircut you know he despised. If he didn’t break up with you, he is meant to stay. Then, of course, change the hair right after that.

And if in the relationship, you can stay in one toilet and chat while he or yourself is shitting on the throne, he is meant to stay. If he helps you squeeze the pimples on your back and you help him trim his nose hair and you’ve drooled on each other without any feeling of disgust, you shared toothbrush, or comb and he help you style your hair, and he is willing to give up his comfort zone for you. If he can mix with your friends and chat with them about anything that they throw into the table of discussions. Yeap. He is that perfect man. I have one now. I’m blessed.

Saturday, October 01, 2011

The Case of the Ex(es)

A trend in my twitter timeline gets me writing this next entry. It has a hashtag- #ThanksToMyEx.
It’s like this mini tribute to all the exes that one might have, and it got me thinking- I do have hell lots of things to thank my Ex(es) for. The ex-boyfriends I mean. Of course there are a lot of things that I have to be thankful to my ex-girlfriends for. One of which is to make me realise that maybe I am not meant to handle delicate and fragile things. Of course some of my ex-boyfriends went beyond fragile, it made me feel like a bull in chinashop. I suggested that he undergo sex change at the end of our relationship. Mean, but I guess it is justified.

Yes. So why did I decide to dedicate this entry to ex-boyfriends instead of ex-girlfriends? I guess cos I’ve forgotten half of the things I wanted to thank my ex-girlfriends for. *gasp*. And I was not matured enough to be appreciative back then, when I was still straight. And I already did dedicate an entry to all the ex-girlfriends before; the entry is hiding somewhere within this blog.

So the first thing that I got out of my introspection of my previous gay relationships is that they are all intertwined with each other. Starting with the third ex, Amir. I got into a relationship with him and it ended really badly, after three months. Due to my excessive ranting of how I was suffering, a friend decided to introduce Farhan to me. We were in a relationship that lasted about two years. When I broke up with Farhan, I got even more depressed and invited a Malaysian to be a shoulder for me to cry on. That Malaysian, named Alex, travelled to Singapore and became my boyfriend for the next 9 months. Alex introduced twitter to me, which is where I met my current boyfriend. We have been attached for three months now, and I am truly happy.

So here it goes, Thanks Amir for breaking my heart and let me have the chance to meet Farhan. Thanks Farhan for the immense pain that made me desperate enough to get attached to a Malaysian who introduced twitter to me.

I also want to thank Rahman, the first asshole to break my heart. He out-ted me to all my friends. I was devastated, but at least now I know my friends will always be there and accept me for who I am.

The second ex didn’t have much impact or function in my life…no matter how hard I tried to find one. #justsaying.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

What makes you feel fulfilled?

Recently, I met a friend who has yet to work. All he does is bumming around at home and repeats that 365 days for god knows how many years. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise for me, since I know him to be like even when we were both serving National Service. I thought it was a phase back then, but seeing him recently, I guess he is stuck in that phase. What amazed me is that he has no sense of worries or whatsoever, even being jobless and thus cashless in Singapore.

I mean, for me, I will get worried if there is nothing for me to do that gives me financial rewards. (probably thanks to both my parents, who helped painted this gory mental image of ageing, the amount of money one might possibly have to spend due to osteoporosis, cancer and their terminal cousins). And here is my friend, all smiley and not a single trace of worry, defying the gory images my parents planted in my head.

Or maybe I got my objectives in life all wrong. To blog, or read, or meet my friend is now more of a luxury for me. Of course, I will still make time for my friends, like JY and Hairul and Audrey and Sara and Harlie and Charis and Joyce. They are all still my priority. But if this friend of mine has proven that you can still attain peace without any job or money, then it really makes me feel like an idiot for even trying.

I look at those farmers. Even they have to work to feed their families and themselves. Maybe I should just ask this friend of mine to the secrets in not having to worry shit depite being jobless. And maybe he will provide me with the clichéd answer that money is not everything.

If only life can present himself, or herself for that matter, in a tangible form, I would have stood in front, and ask: Life, why are you so ironic?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

5 reasons to break-up

I just thought I'd pen-ed 5 lines one can attribute a break up to;

#5- "Looking at our skin colours, I can tell we had a lot of differences that we cannot resolve."

#4- "My mother in law is a monster in law."

#3- "My wallet is not a bottomless pit. I cannot afford to be with someone who is the epitome of Gluttony."

#2- "You reminded me of my mother/father."

#1- "I am allergic to bullshit"

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Himbotic Me

Adi is seen busy doing some work on his laptop and getting himself almost cross-eyed going through his schedule for the month. His iPhone rings.

Adi: Hello.

Nannette: Adi? Nannette here.

Adi: Hi Nannette.

Nannette: I want to talk about your last class tomorrow...

Adi: Tomorrow?

Nannette: Yes. Your last class tomorrow at Tampines North Primary School. I need you to...

Adi: (cuts in, slightly annoyed) Nanette, my last class is on Friday, not tomorrow...

Nannette: Adi. Today is Thursday..

Adi: (very annoyed) YES! And?

Nannette: And after Thursday is Friday. So your last class IS tomorrow.

Adi: Oh.

Insert SFX: Kwang Kwang Kwang

Sunday, August 07, 2011


I don't understand half of what is sung by them, but this music video is HOT!

Friday, August 05, 2011


For those of you who wants to know more about HALAL way of slaughtering animals, you can view the following video...

p.s: I got to know about this video from Alex Chai Su Haw....

Thursday, August 04, 2011


Scenario 1:

Andrew walks in, limping. He has sprained his right ankle. Mother walks in on stage. Andy, who is Andrew’s brother is busy playing games on his laptop.

Mother: Can you help me get a bottle of ice lemon tea?
Andrew: But the shop is quite far.
Mother: It is just a few minutes walk.
Andrew: But my ankle is hurting.
Mother: Are you a man or what?
Andrew: Why can’t you ask Andy to buy it?
Mother: He is having fever. I don’t want his fever to get worse.
Andrew: And it’s totally okay for me to walk to the shop with my injured ankle?

Scenario 2:

Andrew and a newspaper auntie are stranded in middle of the sea. Andrew’s parents came to the rescue with a speed boat. Andrew is about to pull himself onto the boat.

Father: Andrew, I am sorry. The boat can only take one more person. You have to let the auntie step onto the boat .
Andrew: What?
Mother: She has to be rescued. We need our daily morning paper you know…

Scenario 3:

Andrew and a house agent are running from GODZILLA. Andrew’s parent came to the rescue with a helicopter. Andrew is about to pull himself up the helicopter.

Father: Andrew, I am sorry. The helicopter can only take one more person. You have to let the house agent be rescued.
Andrew: What about me?
Mother: Well, if you die, all your money will go back to the ESTATES, i.e. US, which then makes the purchasing of the house in Malaysia easier for us. And that is why we need the house agent to be rescued.

Sunday, July 31, 2011


Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

After watching BRIDESMAIDS, I realised how silenced communication can sometimes be. And that unhappiness may conceal itself in the form jealousy and will only surfaced in the form of an outburst. Even between best friends, sometimes the different signals of jealousy can easily be missed. Am I making sense?

Whatever it is, I guess what I am trying to say is… not everyone is very open verbally. Some may choose to drop hints to show that they are not content with something. And sometimes, even between best friends, who knows each other for so long, may not be able to pick up signals or hints. (especially yours truly). So…sometimes it helps if everyone could play a part and say out a thing or two about what they are not happy about, rather than to drop hints here and there… hints could be misread, and assumptions are not healthy.

And if you don’t understand what I am trying to say here, then neither do I. Maybe I was just trying to be analytical (plus trying too hard to sound poetic and clever) of the movie I just watched. Bridesmaid—damn funny, but storyline is a little bit meandered… Get it?

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." ~Jennifer James

Monday, July 25, 2011

Self reflection after Larrry Crowne

I don’t do this often, but then again not many movies touched me on a personal level. This movie definitely did; and it made me reflect on the reason I chose to be a drama TEACHER. I have always known that teaching is something that I wanted to do, but I just wasn’t sure what I wanted to be teaching.

Of course, needless to say, my mum was pretty much against the idea. To her, a man must take on jobs that exuberate masculinity—a pilot, a soldier; she’d even settle for a construction worker. A teacher is never in her mum-approved list of jobs.

Fast forward to end 2005, I was in drama club and was the president and therefore I had a peek into the amount that was paid to our then drama trainer. $120 per hour. That was hell lot of money! (to me... back then.) and straight away I know: Drama trainer it shall be for me.

But then again, it was slightly more complicated than what I had expected. To be a drama trainer, you have to have a decent amount of experience in the industry itself. You have got to be an actor. Back then, out of 10 auditions, I will be lucky enough to even get one call back. Not even a confirmed job. Everyone who opened their audition doors to me, slammed it back shut, citing me being too green. Everyone except a lady called Jillyn Koh. She opened one small door of opportunity for me; to work in Sentosa as an Interactive Character, which was then still considered as a pilot project. They were not sure which direction to take it to.

From there, i established connections, and I landed my first drama teaching assignment- teach drama in Malay.
Paywise- not that fantastic.
Assignment wise- I vomited blood, literally. It was fasting month. The kids were rowdy as hell. I had to take on 40 Malay students (of whom majority never fasted).

After the first class, I sat on the pavement outside the school gates, and bawled my eyes out. I almost gave up. But I comforted myself by repeated telling myself that no other jobs would pay $35 an hour just to teach kids to move. So I made money my top motivation. I never really cared if the students grasp concepts or understand what I was teaching. Drama was non-examinable subject. So who cares right?

There was once, I had to teach one neighbourhood school- the stereotypical one where parents don’t give a fuck on what their children do or where the children are lucky enough if their parents don’t end up six feet under due to drug induced deaths or AIDS or worse end up in DRCs for what seems like as if they were born there. Yes. That kind of school does exist. The drama companies didn’t hype it up. Just so you know.

Anyway, the class I took had 40 students. Most of them came in with tattered shoes and bags and their teachers told me that some of them didn’t even have money to have lunch. Of course, i still didn’t care; the only thing I cared was to get my money and after 10 sessions, I would be out of there.

That changed when a student called Aidil. He came up to me and his body was riddled with fresh bruise. He handed over $80 to me.

Aidil: Cikgu Adi, ni duit untuk kelas drama. (Mr Adi, this is the fee for drama class)

Adi: Duit ni, kenapa tak kasi form teacher? (why you never give this to the form teacher?)

Aidil: Form teacher cakap Aidil kasi duit lambat, jadi kena kasi Cikgu Adi. ( form teacher said I got the money late, so now have to give to you directly)

Adi: Tangan dengan kaki kenapa? Gaduh eh? (what happened to your hands and legs? Got into a fight? )

Aidil: Tak. Bapak pukul sebab Aidil mintak duit untuk masuk drama kelas. (No. My father hit me for asking money to join drama kelas)

Adi: (stunned)

Aidil: Tapi tak per. Aidil suka kelas drama. Aidil nak jadi pelakon, (It’s okay. I like drama class. I want to be an actor)

Needless to say, I was too stunned to even respond. But that totally changed the reason why I chose to teach drama for a living. To bring about a change in students who failed to see a reason to be in school. That is one of the reason why they introduced drama in schools anyway. To help students discover themselves, express themselves and learn how to convert their non-academical talents to the fullest advantage.

Fast forward again to end 2010. I took on a teaching assignment at a neighbourhood school. 18 students from NT class. (this is the lowest grade of the cohort in a school). Class starts at 0800hrs. School located an hour plus away from my house. First class, only 4 students turned up. I felt like cancelling but i persevered and pulled through the first and then the second. Subsequently the number grew to 14 students in that class. They put up a performance on the twelfth week of lesson. And at the end, a boy came up to me and said

Boy: Cher. We are a difficult class, right?

Adi: I’ve had worse.

Boy: Really meh?

Adi: Okay fine. Your class is difficult.

Boy: Cher.

Adi: Yes?

Boy: Actually the whole class want to thank you for not giving up on us.

And just like that, it made the whole journey so fucking worth it. And just like Julia Roberts in Larry Crowne, I am now always seeking for that spark in every class I teach- a life that I could turn around.

Monday, July 18, 2011

What is your worth?

What if one day you woke up
Only to find your value reduced
To nothing more than that of a cash cow
Will you still believe in life?

Why won’t you look me in the eyes
And tell me my worth to you
The truth hurts much
But so do the lies...

Every words that you say
Every concern you express
Was it cos you really cared
Or were you afraid to lose your investment?

Every conversation we ever had now
It all circles around dollars and cents
Whatever happened to blood runs thicker
I guess they were all ideal talks.

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
I guess they forgot to include
Dollar for dollar...

Monday, June 27, 2011

Counting my blessings…

26/6/2011—A date that left an imprint in my life. Not a dent, just an imprint. Oh wait… imprint is still a tad too dramatic. Okay. Fine. It is a date that I will remember. Yeah.

You see, prior to that, I had this mega plan of starting up a business with two ladies. They were strong headed, and strong willed. Fast forward through all the complications, I was then left with just one business partner, whom turned out to be someone very different from the one I perceived. I used to see her as someone who is kind yet firm, creative and almost anything positive.

But June has been a month full of revelations. And I thank god for that. For in June, I witnessed her dark side. Cunning, back-biting, and vicious. And to drop her as a business partner, required me to summon up all the evilness in me, cos frankly despite my bitchiness, I just didn’t have the heart to see her disappointed face. Especially since I know, behind that icy cold persona, lies a lonely girl. But I thought it had to be done that way.
And so I dropped her out of the business idea.

And looking back, I am just thankful that I am not lonely. For I have real friends who have stuck by me through my darkest hours and make life a little bit more tolerable. You all know who you are… I could never thank you guys enough…

P.s: They say you are lucky if you can get more than a handful of people who will stuck by you through thick and thin…

Friday, June 24, 2011


The Inspirer

As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system.

ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP's life, and because they are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.

Most ENFPs have great people skills. They are genuinely warm and interested in people, and place great importance on their inter-personal relationships. ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked. Sometimes, especially at a younger age, an ENFP will tend to be "gushy" and insincere, and generally "overdo" in an effort to win acceptance. However, once an ENFP has learned to balance their need to be true to themselves with their need for acceptance, they excel at bringing out the best in others, and are typically well-liked. They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use their intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.

Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members.

An ENFP who has "gone wrong" may be quite manipulative - and very good it. The gift of gab which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy for them to get what they want. Most ENFPs will not abuse their abilities, because that would not jive with their value systems.

ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.

ENFPs who have not learned to follow through may have a difficult time remaining happy in marital relationships. Always seeing the possibilities of what could be, they may become bored with what actually is. The strong sense of values will keep many ENFPs dedicated to their relationships. However, ENFPs like a little excitement in their lives, and are best matched with individuals who are comfortable with change and new experiences.

Having an ENFP parent can be a fun-filled experience, but may be stressful at times for children with strong Sensing or Judging tendancies. Such children may see the ENFP parent as inconsistent and difficult to understand, as the children are pulled along in the whirlwind life of the ENFP. Sometimes the ENFP will want to be their child's best friend, and at other times they will play the parental authoritarian. But ENFPs are always consistent in their value systems, which they will impress on their children above all else, along with a basic joy of living.

ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing.

Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves.

ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive, people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centered and master the ability of following through.

Jungian functional preference ordering for ENFP:

Dominant: Extraverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Introverted Feeling
Tertiary: Extraverted Thinking
Inferior: Introverted Sensing

How about some Zodiac reading at un-earthly hour?

#AquariusMan-#CapricornMan: Commitment may be an issue in this match. Your partner likes it early in a relationship, while you're more likely to be comfortable with a more casual arrangement, at least until your partner has become a very close friend.

You both can be very stubborn though in different areas, sometimes making reconciliation difficult.

You both take career and work seriously, though for different reasons - your Capricorn is largely building future security and status. This can of course be a very valuable quality in a long term partner.

The final challenge in an Aquarius Capricorn relationship is that there's a good chance you will each be focused on aspects of life outside of each other. To a degree you each tend to ignore a relationship in the absence of a 'needy' partner who encourages you to focus on it. This one is easily fixed however by dedicating romantic time together regularly

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Remark of the day…

Imagine that you just woke up. You went to the toilet. Sleepy and groggy. Hair is messy. You sat on the throne, about to take a dump. Then your phone went “…You’re on the right track baby, you were born to survive”. You picked up. It’s your best friend.

You: Hello?

Best friend: Hello?

You: Can you hear me?

Best friend: (beat) Adi?

You: Yeah?

Best friend: Girl?! Asal suara kau jantan eh pagi pagi gini? (Translation: Girl?! Why your voice so man in the morning?)

Enough is Enough

I really love the vocals of these two singers... But most of all I love the song to bits...

It's raining,
It's pouring,
My love life is boring me to tears,
After all these years.

No sunshine,
No moonlight,
No stardust,
No sign of romance.
We don't stand a chance.

I always dreamed
I'd find the perfect lover.
But he turned out to be
Like every other man I loved,
I loved.

Raining (raining)
Pouring (pouring)
There's nothing left for us here.
And we won't waste another tear...

If you've had enough,
Don't put up
With his stuff,
Don't you do it.

Now, if you've had your fill,
Get the check,
Pay the bill,
You can do it.

Tell him to just get out,

Nothing left to talk about.

Pack his raincoat, show him out,

Just look him in the eye and simply shout:

Enough is enough
I can't go on,
I can't go on no more no.
Enough is enough
I want him out,
I want him out that door now.

Enough is enough (ooh, owww)
Enough is enough
That's enough, (ooh yeah)

If you've reached the end,
Don't pretend
That it's right,
When it's over.

(it's over)
If the feeling is gone,
Don't think twice
Just move on,
Get it over. (over, over)

Tell him to just get out,
Say it clearly,
Spell it out:

Enough is enough is enough
I can't go on,
I can't go on no more no.
Enough is enough is enough
I want him out,
I want him out that door now.

Enough is enough (ooh, owww)
Enough is enough
That's enough (ooh)

I always dreamed I'd find
The perfect lover.
But he turned out to be
Like every other man I loved. (I had no choice from the start)
I loved, (I've gotta listen to my heart)
I loved. (tearing us apart)

Enough is enough is enough
I can't go on,
I can't go on no more no.
Enough is enough is enough
I want him out,
I want him out that door now.

Enough is enough (ooh, owww)
Enough is enough
That's enough (ooh, yeah)
No more tears...

No more tears (no more tears)
No more tears (no more tears)
No more tears (no more tears)
No more tears (no more tears)

I've had it, (no more tears)
You've had it,
She's had it. (no more tears)
He's had it. (no more tears)
She's had it.

He's had it.
I've had it. (no more tears)
I've had it.
He's had it.
She's had it.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


Some say they help wash the sins
Cos with tears come pure remorse
Others may see it as a form of conceit.
When one shed a tear
It’s to express an extreme
Either bliss or sufferings—
Either ways, tears are beautiful
Cos it helps to express what lies deep inside.

Friday, June 17, 2011

I'm Only Gay

Okay. With Pinkdot around the corner, I have already shared with you how I came out to my mother—Which didn’t really go that well. If you’re still looking for other ways to come out to your parents, here is another suggestion: DO IT MUSICAL STYLE!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

New Words I learn...

1. the state or quality of being anonymous.
2. an anonymous person: some fine poetry attributed to anonymities.

— n
favouritism shown to relatives or close friends by those with power or influence

[C17: from Italian nepotismo, from nepote nephew , from the former papal practice of granting special favours to nephews or other relatives]

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Lines I missed hearing...

While going through the arcane collection of scripts, I came upon this script. It brings back memories- Both good and bad. And.. I don't know... I guess I miss those times when we could come together and do something good...

*to the tunes of Britney Spear's Hit Me Baby one more time (you know the verse where she sang my loneliness is killing me..yeah that part!)*

I hate it when I can’t smoke or drink
Or shag the Arab honcho on the sink
I think the office needs a condom dispenser
I’m pregnant with the kid of the Indian musketeer.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

A Comment from the Ex's new BF

MY Ex’s current bf wrote a comment to me (how exciting, right?)…

Hi Adi,

I dont know you personally but Alex told me a lot of good things about you and never spoke bad of you. I think its just ethical if you would do the same, unless you keep high level of insecurities within yourself which drives your impeccable senseless rants.


And so the following is my reply…

Hi Adrian,
I like the fact that you tried to tell me that you don’t know me personally and yet you used judgemental words and phrases like “insecurities” and “impeccable senselss rants” on me. Do you usually judge people you don’t know; I find it amusing. Let me just try to break it down to you in the most peaceful way I could, cause personally I think this is between me and Alex, and it IS EXCLUSIVE in that sense. You get what I mean?

Let me just start off by pointing out to you, my blog header. Do you notice what it says? “Random Ramblings”. Yes. Readers have been warned that this blog is going to be about MY ramblings or in your words—“senseless rants”. If you’re not cool with it, why read on, right?

Next, the reason I was upset. You see, when I was in a relationship with Alex, I would have done anything for him. I would fly to KL to see him for an hour and then fly back to Singapore for rehearsals just because he said he was upset. I starved myself just so that I can lend him some cash to pay for his education. I would have died for him. And to find that he has been cheating behind my back with the help of Grndr; it was devastating. But I guess you would never be able to get to that state cos from the way he described you, you seem to be the type who would prioritise yourself first. You would rather spend your money on braces than to spend it on bringing him to Singapore for PINKDOT. Yes. I know quite a fair share about you, cos when he has problems with you, he doesn’t run to his friends. He runs to me.

Now let’s talk about ethics. Your definition is when someone talks nice thing about you, you’d have to do the same. I guess then, if your partner stays faithful to you, it is only ethical for you to do the same, right? If he doesn’t, why should ethics even be applied in the first place?

And every human being feels insecure at one point or the other. So why put other people down for being insecure? Do you see me put you down when you feel insecure of yourself? Especially during the part where you feel like you’re a rebound? (yes, he called me up when you guys have this issue too). Do you see me being judgemental when you find the need to spend so much money to straighten up your teeth cos you were apparently insecure about your teeth? So let’s be ethical. I have never put you down, I don’t think you should.

And when it comes to me referring to you as being a toy, I did not mean to say you are not good enough for him. Who am I to judge, right? That phrase was totally meant to point at how he treated people. I am sure you are good enough for him. I mean he referred to you as “the better [me]”. And I believed him cos you can dance. I can’t. You have the patience to design web pages. I don’t. But then again, I wondered why he did not say that you are a better man or you’re a better partner? Instead, he chose to use me as a comparison. I just find the comparison not very healthy cos you will never be credited for your own strength or qualities. You will just be this lingering figure hiding behind my shadows. I don’t know… just my personal “ramblings” again. If you’re not happy with it, the “X” or RED button in the top right corner is your friend…USE IT.

Yours Sincerely
Sometimes, in the midst of it all, you just have to sit and meditate.... *closes eyes and breathes calmly and chants* ooooooommmmmmnnnn. Ommmmmmmmnnnnn. Omnomnomnom. *in goes the kaya toast* ommmmmmmmnnnnnn. Ommmmmmmnnnnnnnnnn. Omnomnomnom. *in goes another kaya toast*

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Wanna bet?

I just want to make a quick note here. I can bet my arse, with pinkdot around the corner, he will surely call/ message me up telling me that he is gonna come to Singapore. Not because he wanna find out how I am doing, but more of to show off his new toy. So typical of him. So how? You wanna bet on that?

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

IF i were King of all Candies

My friend took a photo of me in Candylicious and she tagged it as Queen of all Candies. I believe she tagged it wrongly. It should have read: King of all Candies. But that is not the point. Somehow, her tag kinda strikes a thought; What if I were the King/ Queen of all Candies?

IF I were the King of Candies
I will make sure that instead of sugar
I put other healthier substitutes
to make my candies just as sweet
These substitutes may be pricier
But I guess it pains me too much to see
These children undergoing
Sulfonylureas, Biguanides , insulin shots and amputations in the future

If I were the King of all Candies
I will ensure that the cure to cancer
is mixed into the candies
So that children will not need
To go through chemotherapy, radiation therapy, surgery
Or financial assistance or deaths

If I were the King of all Candies
I will mix my ingredients to be totally
Free from fats and harmful addictive substance
Or additives that allow me to save a few cents
At the expense of these children

If I were King of all Candies
I will make candies available to everyone
Regardless of race, nationalities or wealth or skin colours…

Saturday, June 04, 2011

The thing about running from... your emotion

The thing about running away from your emotion is sometimes, you feel so liberated—free from all that baggage. Free from the years of heartbreaks. Free from all the problems. And you just keep running. Running with work. Running with your adizero shoes. Keep running till you can run no more. Till the point of exhaustion…

That is when your years of baggage and emotions consume you. Bit by bit, they tear you down, till you lie on the floor, lifeless. At this point, you can either fight for your life back, or you can just let yourself be consumed. I choose to fight for my life back. Cos I never find any worth in throwing my life away just because some idiot decided to bring me down!

Friday, June 03, 2011

How I came out to my Mum

Two days ago, a friend asked me if my mother knew about me being gay. I told her that I did come out to her, and she ended up not talking to me for two months plus. And now she pretended that the incident didn’t happen. This friend of mine asked how exactly did I come out to my mother and I told her that she will never believe me. After I told her the story, she laughed non-stop. Truth be told, I actually found it funny now. Yes. Back then, I felt it was really tragic. But looking back at it now, the incident is actually funny. I mean who would ever thought a burnt dish rack could have actually caused me to blurt out loud to her that I AM GAY! Here is how the story went…

Settings: Adi just finished his morning class at Tampines North Primary School. Adi checks his handphone. 9 missed calls—--all from mum. He called her. She picks up.

Adi: You called?

Mum: Did you try to burn the house down?

Adi: What?

Mum: I woke up, and I saw the whole dish rack was blackened!

Adi: I tried to warm up the goring pisang, and the pan caught fire. And then I took the pan and threw it into the sink. And I turned on the tap after that and…

Mum: And you put water to the burning pan?! Asal kau bodoh?! The fire become big lah like that! Aiyoh! The older you get, the more nonsensical things you do!

Adi: I didn’t do it on purpose. It just happened.

Mum: And then after do all these nonsensical things, never want to admit.

Adi: Didn’t I just explain to you what I DID in the morning?

Mum: I am not just referring to today lah! Everytime you do something stupid, where you got want to admit?! If I never found out for myself…

Adi: What did I not admit to?

Mum: A lot of things lah…

Adi: I am sick and tired of you saying that I never admit to my wrong doings! So now out with it! What wrong did I do that I never admit to?







Adi: I have been telling you “NO. I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GUY!” But you still pushed on and insisted that I did. So now I am going to tell you straight; YES! I AM HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GUY! Aku tidur dengan semua jantan!! So now what? Are you happy to finally hear the answer that you have always wanted to hear, huh? Are you happy now?!

Mum: You just love it when I no longer talk to you, right?


Mum: You are just waiting for the opportunity when you no longer have to deal with me…?


Mum: That’s why for the longest time, you have been wanting to move out, right?

The next few dialogues sequence happened simultaneously. Both characters just speak their lines, not listening to the other at all.

Mum: Muhammad Mahadi Bin Jamaludin, you listen here. For the past 28 years, I have always tolerated your behaviour. I carried you in my womb for 9 months. Have you ever asked me how difficult it was to give birth to you?! Have you ever spare a thought for your mother who is unwell right now, and might even die in the next few minutes? Yet, you don’t care. You just do as you please. Like your family don’t even exist anymore! You just shut up! I am sick of listening to you already! Listen to me! Shut up I say! Shut up! I say… (mum hangs up the phone)

Adi: Yes. I have always wanted to move out cos I don’t find any point in staying at all. Would you care if I were to get hurt when the pan caught fire? No! all you cared for is the dish rack that you bought from DAISO that costs you $2. I could have caught fire and just die, and you wouldn’t even care. So tell me, what is the point of me staying in the same house as you.. Hello? Hello? Hello?!

Mum hangs up the phone. Adi finally realises that there were at least 10 makciks at the school gate looking at him. He comforts himself by telling himself that the tudung on the makciks’ head is too tight and that they didn’t just hear the exchanges you had with mum on the phone. But from the looks on their faces, they have obviously heard everything. Adi walks away hastily before finally sitting on the side curb to cry. The rain falls shortly after that. (Very the SEMBILU moment)……

So yes, moral of the story? My mum is very random….

Sunday, May 08, 2011


I wanted to blog but then I got sleepy...ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Fat Ass

3 years ago, I was a regular gym rat in Bukit Gombak gym. I went there almost everyday, and you’d probably see me running like a mad dog on the treadmill. You’d probably notice that my muscles were more defined, and when I smile, you’d probably wish you have my jawline.

3 years ago, a 14 year old boy became a regular in Bukit Gombak gym and because we always bumped into each other, he’d usually approached me to assist him with lifting of some weights, and once in a while attempted to strike conversations by asking me the same question kinda questions like “ Abang, how long have you trained?” or “How many times do you work out per week?”

3 years after that, that same boy saw me again in Bukit Gombak gym, and his first question was “Abang, what happened to you? LAST TIME you have a nice body!”

3 years ago, I had the motivation to push myself over the limits in physical fitness. I hit the club every weekend. I love the way they looked at my body. That was who I was back then. And the number oif calories I burnt on the dance floor, it helped to keep me in shape.

In conclusion, maybe I should start hitting the club again…

Friday, April 15, 2011

in•se•cu•ri•ty = [in-si-kyoo r-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.
-lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: He is plagued byinsecurity.

Insecurity is a bitch, personified. I used to get turned off by other halves who are insecure. I always think to myself: Why the fuck are you so insecure? Have I not be faithful enough? What? Are you blind? Can’t you see that I love you more than anything else?

Instead, I should have thought: Is there anything I could have done to make him/ her less insecure? What is the cause of the mistrust in the first place?

Now I am infected by the insecurity fever. Now I see the flipside of the coin. I have never been insecure. Probably the tide has changed. I am not in my peak now. Not smart. Not good looking. Nothing. Thus, am always afraid of losing out. Am always afraid of being put down. Am always afraid of myself…. Enough said.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

What is Singapore made up of

I saw this casting call being put on artscomm, and it read like this;

We are currently casting for an upcoming television commercial and are
urgently looking for the following:

Shoot date: 19-20 or 20-21 Apr 2011
Loading: 2 years (Cable, Cinema, Home. Internet - facebook etc.)
Cilent: M1
Production house: Two Oceans Film Co

1. Customer Service Officer

Chinese male, mid 20s
Pleasant looking, speaks Good English, great smile, good skin, good teeth, warm

Hrs: 2 days, 10 hours each day.
Budget: 5K

2. Counter Girl

Chinese female, mid 20s
Nice, not too young, with a bursting wild/fun streak, could be idiosyncratic
Might have to dance, but don't have to dance well, cock, funny or
clumsy dance moves will do.

Hrs: 4 hours in the morning, another 4 in the evening
Budget: 1.5K

3. Virus Guy (who has virus infected in his computer)

Chinese male, late 20s or early 30s
Fun, maybe newly married, pleasant looking

Hrs: 6 hours
Budget: $800

4. Boss of new company

Chinese male, 30s
Mature, nice-looking

Hrs: 4 - 6 hours, half-day
Budget: $ 800

5. Electrician

Chinese male, mid 30s or early 40s
Interesting face, maybe scruffy
Requires understated acting

Hrs: 4 - 6 hours
Budget: $800

6. Pedestrian A

Chinese male, early to mid 20s
Pleasant looking

Hours: 4 - 5 hours
Budget: $400 -$500

7. Pedestrian B

Chinese female, early to mid 20s
Pleasant looking

Hours: 4 - 5 hours
Budget: $400 -$500

Ya Ting
Casting Coordinator
+65 9880 4429

Enough said for now... All the more reasons not to subscribe to M1!

Monday, January 10, 2011

I love you

As the cold night wind blow today,
I can’t help but to think of you
What are you doing over there?
Are you having a sweet dream?
Are you smiling as you dream of all the beautiful things?
I kept thinking of all the times you slept beside me
The smooth warm breath of yours on my shoulder
I watch as the curves on your body move with every breath you took
Those innocent looking eyes, closed.
What could you be dreaming of?
I smile.
I look forward to seeing those beautiful eyes open once again
So that I can declare my love towards you
So that I can tell you how much I love you
I love you so much…