Saturday, December 31, 2011

31st December (Part 1)

Keeping tab/ Reviewing progress or achievements or key milestones and making new year’s resolution to me, used to be of somewhat or something cliché. I used to be under the impression that this is only for those wankers.

They wanked.

They cummed.

And then they received some sort of enlightenment…

Be it from above or from within themselves; they are pointless! Cos we all know by the end of the year, we end up not doing anything about it. That list that goes on and on, of which you’d probably taken about half a day to come up with on the 31st December of every year, just end up at some corners of your table/ wardrobe, collecting dust for the year.

This was the perception I held dear till 2009. By now, you’d probably have already known that by the end of 2009, I made a life changing decision. Beginning of 2010 I left a company which I worked for about 5 years. Be it, environmental changes, management changes et cetra: The point is I left. And that is that. So I was trying to put myself together, and market myself as a freelancer. I wrote down my CV. I attempted to.

3 words into the whole process, I was stuck. I didn’t know what to write about myself. All those 5 years working in that same company, somehow has frozen my ability to think. I no longer knew which part of myself is marketable anymore.

Yes. I have a diploma in Mass Communication, from a respectable school. Ngee Ann Polytechnic to be exact. The only school to offer Mass Communication in polytechnic level back then. But years have gone by, and I looked at it again. Is it still relevant? Now, everyone from all walks of life has a diploma in Mass Communication. So what now?

Of course there are the career fairs and meet ups with prospective employers, BUT I always felt myself being socially awkward at these meetings simply because, I don’t have a common idea to talk about. I don’t read the news. I don’t read books. I don’t watch TV. “I was screwed!”

Potential employer: So what’s your favourite TV programme?

Me: Do I look like a TV junkie?

Potential employer: What was the last book you’ve read?

Me: If you want a bookworm, you should have stated so in the job requirement.

Potential employer: What’s your take about the recent crisis?

Me: The world can go fuck themselves for all I care!

See what I mean? I know you might think that I am making these up. I’m not. Nowadays, potential employers no longer asked you about your qualifications and stuffs. Instead, they try to get to know you by asking you sneaky questions that are so called “indirect” and yet “direct”. From all your answers, they then try to make some “clever” deduction about your personality and how they think you might fit into the company’s culture.

Potential employer: So that Adi ah, he said he likes that lomantic comedy called Wedding the My Best Friend. I think ah, he may be one of those lomantic hopeless. So hopeless in job also.

And that’s the reality of today’s world.

SO as I was saying… “ I AM SO SCREWED!”


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Money Dont Grow on Trees or Friends

Dear You Up There,
Yesterday, I had a great time catching up with this group of people. I met them many years back. Possible in 2003. And we've been friends since then.

I don't know if our meeting back then is pure coincidental or if it's your doing to fulfil that grand plan of yours. But i'm thankful nonetheless.

I will also like to state here that i will never trade them for anything, even for a million euros. They're the best people i ever had in my life; always there even through my darkest hour.

For 10million euros?


Ok. I might consider.

Ok. I'm just kidding.


Yours Truly,
Adi Jamaludin

Sunday, December 25, 2011

5 tips to have pictures you wanna keep

As a follow up, to my previous post Through the Camera Lense,I am going to take the liberty to post some tips of how to combat the Fear of Lenses!

#5- Come equipped- Make-up, tweezers, mini hair trimmer, hair curler/ straightener- whatever it takes to make yourself look good. With the advent of computer software like photoshop, one may overlook the power of make up. Why trouble yourself with photoshop, when you can do without, by just using make up to cover the flaws, and tweezers to eliminate stray hairs? Anyway, it helps to always have a safety net. Makes you feel more comfortable in front of your enemies- the lenses!

#4- Make sure you have whatever it takes to also cool yourself down- mini fans, industrial fans, air-con, water, cucumber, basically whatever to help you cool down. Cos most photographers will be working with strong spotlights which emit heat that can make you melt into puddles of perspiration and that ain’t looking good for the lenses.

#3- Rolls of tissues- preferable the super absorbent type and always remember to dab yourself regularly, to eliminate the oil shine and perspiration that will make you look grimy in front of the lenses.

#2- Experiment always, to find your “good side” and “good angle”. Contrary to the popular belief that everyone is born symmetrical, I am here to break the myth- No one is born symmetrical, unless if you’re a model. Even models are not 100% symmetrical. Just like Mariah Carey, I find that my right side is the better side in photographs.

#1- Get your boyfriend to be your photographer- Cos he is the one who probably knows you best and can advise you accordingly on your good angles and pose.

But if he is the type who is condescending, then tell him to get the fuck out of your life…you shouldn’t be attached to him in the first place!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Through the Camera Lense

People: Why do you choose theatre over TV?

Adi: Cos i like the live interaction. When you act on stage, you're constantly receiving instant feedbacks from the audience. And that's a motivation for you to keep improving the shows on a night to night basis..

People: Doesn't TV pay better?

Adi: well, there are the pros and cons to it. All in all, i prefer theatre. It is sort of a comfort zone to me..

And that is where the conversations would usually stop. But if one were to ask me, what is this comfort that theatre offers that TV can't, i would say that the camera is the most daunting equipment to ever be invented simply cos the lenses has the ability to amplify any form of flaws that one have.

On one hand, i really admire those who have the overflowing courage to be scrutinised by the lenses, on the other i still have my reservations about being in front of those lenses, especially since i am at my heaviest point, if you know what i mean...

So usually, when i agree to do a short film or an advert shoot, i would choose a very close friend to work with. Or a total stranger, whom i know i will not ever meet for the rest of my life!

But to have your other half offerring to help me with my studio shot, it's a total different ball game altogether. It is beyond nerve wrecking.

I must also say here that he has been the sweetest thing on Earth, always reassuring me of my ability and how looks... Are just.. well, looks.

And that is why i so readily agree for him to be my photograher for the day. Am very excited about it...

KL, Baby!

I'm just so glad that I've managed to set aside time to be with this crazy folks... Thanks for the von-der-ful times folks!

And here are some memorable conversations from the trip...

Conversation #1
While sitting down at The Loaf...
Harlie: is that man talking to us?
Jy: no lah.. He signalling to the guy at the bottom of the stairs.
Adi: yeah. Apparently, he's the top...

Conversation #2
While having coffee...
Harlie: why are you taking pictures of my boobs?
Jy: i didn't. They are just there...
Adi: naturally flaunting themselves...
Jy: ...wanting to break free
Adi sings: i want to break free, i want to break free...

Conversation #3
While playing Monopoly game on iPad…

JY: Chee bye lah! Drop on Adi’s railway station again!

Adi: Okay what!

JY: So bloody expensive! $200 per visit! Daylight robbery!

Adi: Eh! But this one reliable okay! Never breakdown like SMRT!

10 minutes later…

Harlie: Wah! JY you kena $100 tax.

JY: Better than dropping on Adi’s property!

Adi: You rather pay the gahmen!

JY: I rather pay the gahmen loh!

Harlie: Better to pay Adi what!

JY made her move…

JY: Chee bye! Pay income tax $200!

Adi: See lah! You rather pay the gahmen what! If you drop on my property, I can give you discount k. But if you drop in gahmen spot, no discount!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

5 Top Regrets of the Dying

Saturday night. I was reading some random articles on my iPhone when I accidentally read an article with the title: 5 Top Regrets of the Dying. Intrigued I went on to read the following article (taken off the webbie: ...

Top Five Regrets Of The Dying

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Inspired as i was, I decided that I must not let myself get into a situation where I might be trapped by these 5 regrets. So i sent myself on a mission to change my lifestyle, which first of all included going to KL with my friends, Harlie and JY. So that is number 4 down. Before I even read the article, I have also ensured that I get a moment with my god-sister, Cindy and Gillian. (nice bunch to hang out with!)So this just seal off number 4 regret for now.

I know I will not have #1 cos I am already living a life that I wanted. To be an actor/ drama educator and not be tied down to any form of conventional 9-5 job.

As for no #2, as I have aged over the years, I have learnt not to always chase after jobs, but to pick and choose the jobs that I think will fulfill me both financially, spiritually and mentally. That's another regret down.

#5, is something that I always have realised. We all have the choice to be happy. If you're not happy with your job, leave it. There are other opportunities out there to be explored. And I say this based on my experience. I remembered, 2009 is a year that marked my 4th year working in Sentosa. I loved working in that place, given the ambiance of the working place, the people around and of course the perks that I get to enjoy. However, later that year, there was a major shift in management, and that was when I find myself no longer happy working on the island. On one hand, I feel very reluctant to leave the place, cos I was getting comfortable with it. But early in 2010, I could no longer stand the work ethics there, and I decided to leave. Of course, before leaving, I've mailed my friend, Danny Jow, telling him of my predicament. Armed with just one contact, and a burning desire to leave my full time job, I left the island. It was very daunting at first, but given time, i got the hang of working as a freelance performer and drama educator, and everything is once again good, and I am looking forward to better things in 2012.

Danny Jow once told me,"Guard your heart. Never be held hostage by your employer" and I have always held on to that. Always have faith in yourself, and place your self-value and dignity high. Give yourself a chance to grow and bloom and to discover your strength.

As for #2, I guess I am still working on it. I wish I have the courage to express myself and mysexuality to parents, siblings, relatives. Which I sorta did. Remember the post where I confessed to my mum of my sexuality. I guess she is still traumatized by the whole incident and is still coping with the whole situation.I am not asking for acceptance. I am only asking for her to acknowledged that I am not straight, but I still have her best interests in mind...

How about you? Did the article move you? Will you ever change your lifestyle to avoid these 5 regrets? I guess at the end of the day, the author did make a poignant point: Happiness is a choice.

Friday, December 09, 2011

Life's Not-so-little Blessings

Today's horoscope read "“@ZodiacFacts: #Aquarius have relatively few close friends, but they do tend to have a very strong mental connection with these friends”

And i think to myself, how true is the horoscope. I'm usually skeptical about people. I don't make fruends easily thanks to thus particular trait. But what i'm more thankful for is the fact that those whom i befriended are those whom i know will stick by me through thick and thin, better or worse, tested and proven over the years.

2011, like many other years have presented its own set of tests and tribulations, but i have taken everything in my stride and i've made it thus far because of you, you and you... People whom have given me courage, determination and sheer will power to just continue on with life, so that i can enjoy the better parts at a later time.

I'm also thankful to you for walking into my life when everything is just crumbling down. Your patience and love made a better person and will continue to inspire me to be a better person every day. I love you.

Friday, December 02, 2011

Love in a Humbling Place

For the past week, I’ve had the privilege of working with the under privileged children under the Chinese Development Assistance Council (CDAC) . Financially, they may not be well-to-do, but let me tell you something; they are fucking brilliant! (pardon the language!)

One of the kids, whom shall not be named, managed to duplicate a story words for words, perfectly, just from sheer memory work, AND he had only read the story once. Another kid, can do mental sums at secondary school level and answered 30 questions in less than 15 minutes. They remind me of Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man.

But what is most apparent is the sheer love and respect they have towards each other and the facilitators there. There was no racist remark passed around, and in the duration of two weeks, I have received more than 30 mini notes from students telling me how much they appreciated what I have taught them on a day-to-day basis.

They are really adorable. If you do have the time, you might wanna drop by the center in Tanjong Katong, in the afternoon, and you’d noticed that the center is filled with so much love, that even the lamp posts cast heart shapes on the floor.