5 Top Regrets of the Dying

Saturday night. I was reading some random articles on my iPhone when I accidentally read an article with the title: 5 Top Regrets of the Dying. Intrigued I went on to read the following article (taken off the webbie: http://www.rense.com/general95/regrets.htm) ...


Top Five Regrets Of The Dying
12-10-11

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Inspired as i was, I decided that I must not let myself get into a situation where I might be trapped by these 5 regrets. So i sent myself on a mission to change my lifestyle, which first of all included going to KL with my friends, Harlie and JY. So that is number 4 down. Before I even read the article, I have also ensured that I get a moment with my god-sister, Cindy and Gillian. (nice bunch to hang out with!)So this just seal off number 4 regret for now.

I know I will not have #1 cos I am already living a life that I wanted. To be an actor/ drama educator and not be tied down to any form of conventional 9-5 job.

As for no #2, as I have aged over the years, I have learnt not to always chase after jobs, but to pick and choose the jobs that I think will fulfill me both financially, spiritually and mentally. That's another regret down.

#5, is something that I always have realised. We all have the choice to be happy. If you're not happy with your job, leave it. There are other opportunities out there to be explored. And I say this based on my experience. I remembered, 2009 is a year that marked my 4th year working in Sentosa. I loved working in that place, given the ambiance of the working place, the people around and of course the perks that I get to enjoy. However, later that year, there was a major shift in management, and that was when I find myself no longer happy working on the island. On one hand, I feel very reluctant to leave the place, cos I was getting comfortable with it. But early in 2010, I could no longer stand the work ethics there, and I decided to leave. Of course, before leaving, I've mailed my friend, Danny Jow, telling him of my predicament. Armed with just one contact, and a burning desire to leave my full time job, I left the island. It was very daunting at first, but given time, i got the hang of working as a freelance performer and drama educator, and everything is once again good, and I am looking forward to better things in 2012.

Danny Jow once told me,"Guard your heart. Never be held hostage by your employer" and I have always held on to that. Always have faith in yourself, and place your self-value and dignity high. Give yourself a chance to grow and bloom and to discover your strength.

As for #2, I guess I am still working on it. I wish I have the courage to express myself and mysexuality to parents, siblings, relatives. Which I sorta did. Remember the post where I confessed to my mum of my sexuality. I guess she is still traumatized by the whole incident and is still coping with the whole situation.I am not asking for acceptance. I am only asking for her to acknowledged that I am not straight, but I still have her best interests in mind...

How about you? Did the article move you? Will you ever change your lifestyle to avoid these 5 regrets? I guess at the end of the day, the author did make a poignant point: Happiness is a choice.