Monday, January 02, 2017

Happy New Year - 2017

You know back then, when I am not able to sleep, I'd write. And I write a lot. There are some materials... When I read them from 6 years ago, some parts of me can't help but think... Did I write that..cos it sounds awesome. Ha!

And so it just happens that tonight, I am not able to sleep. A lot of things kept running through my mind. I’ve been having them since a couple of nights ago, but due to this process we called ageing, I was not able to keep myself up and awake enough to be able to type this coherently… not that it is gonna ever be more coherent tonight. Tonight, however, I told myself, I just needed to get this out there somehow.

This past year, as in 2016, my patience and strength was stretched to its limit. I have a partner who works in an organization who, as reported by the media, were going to lay off 10% of its workforce as the management try to figure out the best way to salvage a dying trend. As he awaits the dreaded news, I waited with him with just as much anxiety. I was so thankful that he wasn’t on the chopping board, for now. Speaking of anxiety, I can tell you clearly that I was about to lose my mind a couple of times in 2016. In May 2016, my mum went through a heart surgery, which had multiple complications. Hearing people speak, offering their “expert views” on what is best to handle my mum’s situation, I felt something in me just snapped at that point of time. I have never imagined myself shouting in a high-dependant ward at 2 fucking a.m. that was when I realized how important my mother is to me, despite our multiple fights and disagreements. In September 2016, she had to undergo another round of surgery. Again, I was reminded of how unprepared I was to go through a life without her.

So what is the point of this entry? You see, at the stroke of 12am… as everyone wishes everybody happy new year, something.. I don’t know what… whispered into my ears and said--- you are about to lose something that is important to you  this year. I don’t know what it was. I hoped it was just some passing wind. I hoped I had imagined it. I hoped that 2017 will be a better year. If not, I hope God will grant me enough iman and strength and patience to go through whatever tests he has for me in this coming year….. Amin.